The Power of Crying

“I woke up the other day feeling utterly confused. Apparently, I had been crying hard in my sleep because of a dream that I could not, for the life of me, remember. It was strange because I know I am at the happiest time of my life. After years of feeling like a misfit in my corporate career life, I made a decision to quit and cast my soul back to life with things and people that matter to me. I am happier than ever. So, what was that all about?”  

 

This may sound familiar to you, it may not. One thing I am certain about is that we all have been in a moment where we are facing with a strong emotion, our tears are just bubbling up and we feel so very uncomfortable, doing all we can to stop it.

 

What is crying about, really?

Let’s start here: tears. There are two types of tears. One that brings out our body reactions to deprivation of certain things such as hunger or pain, or any uncomfortable situation that make a baby cries. 

The second one is a physical reaction to our emotional distress; a self-protection mechanism that reacts against an extreme emotion that we do not allow to express itself in the first place. 

Every adult has shed this type of tears. Children have no problems in expressing their tears, which is appropriate to their feelings and situations. Theirs belong to the 1st type.

 

As adults, we train ourselves to hold off strong emotion until we can make sense of and deal with it. The downside of this approach is that there is a time lag between the time a strong feeling rushes up and an understanding that satisfy our mind is attained. This delay means longer tensions linger in our body. Unreleased tensions are what create havocs in our body over time.

Emotional tears are an expression of a specific emotion that we strongly feel at any given moment, consciously or not. They carry a high-charged energy we have within, to find a release. To find a release is what we need to remember.

Human design is certainly comprehensive. There is a legitimate reason why crying is a part, a NATURAL one, of our life and it is created for a very good reason. Crying is a way to decompress charged-up energy in our body.

Scientifically, when a strong emotion is registered in our brain, the endocrine system is triggered to release hormones that cause the tears to form in our eyes. 

When that happens, our body releases toxins specific to emotional tears, helping us to reduce the pain and improve our moods

 

Parallel to this, our body is also sending cues to other humans that we need their help. This help is called sympathy. Sympathy allows human to bond with one another. It also makes the main ingredient of a hug. That’s right, a hug. You wonder why a hug is a powerful way to help others? This is the reason. 

 

All strong emotions can cause us to cry, when not attended to properly. Be it anger or joy or anything in between.

In some unavoidable situation, we force ourselves to bite our lips instead of letting the tears from falling even if it hurts so much. 

Such approach is not effective in relieving the tension and de-compressing a charged-up pent-up energy. When we stop ourselves from crying, we often become restless or tensed or unfocused or agitated, for hours or days sometimes. Headaches often show up. Very stiff back and neck often happen too.

Do not, I repeat, do not let this disturbing state linger in your life for too long and for too often. 

Hurt that does not turn into tears will make your organs weep. It is a fact. Unprocessed emotions that can’t be released through crying have a chronic negative impact on our body. It accumulates over time, without us realizing this. When organs weep, diseases appear in our bodies.

Imagine this analogy: a drop of water dripping slowly yet regularly over a long period of time on a rock. One day for sure, the rock will break. Just like our organ receiving pressure of unprocessed extreme emotions, regularly. 

Crying is one of the most powerful ways to release pent-up charged-up energy. It is indeed a healthy and integral mechanism for our lives as human. Human is a bundle of mixed emotions. Crying literally makes our life so much better. More importantly, we are designed to cry, naturally.

Most people are not comfortable crying nor attending to a person who is crying. There are many reasons why. Upbringing, stereotyping, culture, you name it. It does not matter. What matters is you allow yourself to do what you are designed to do.

Here are some tips that may help you (as they have helped me):

Firstly, always remember that your feeling matters and it is absolutely okay to feel what you feel. 

Then, find somewhere private to be. It could be your room, a toilet, or find a place outside to sit in a rather quiet place, whatever works for you at that moment. In time, you will not notice nor even care that you are crying in a public place (like I do now every now and then when a situation calls for it, like in the airport leaving somewhere). To begin with, do it in the comfort of your privacy.

Next, breathe and stay in the feeling. Take a deep breath. Once. Twice. A few times. Feel the emotions in your heart. Hear the voices in your head. Feel the tissue in your hand. Just feel them…

Let go your judgment of yourself. Remember that big strong girls and boys do cry. They are human, with the same design, like all of us. 

Then let it all out. Cry your eyes out. Feel the stream of the tears on your cheeks. Let it out, until it stops by itself.

Then breathe deeply again. Stay still for a moment. Breathe…breathe…breathe. When you feel ready, pick yourself up again. When you can, go for a brief walk before joining others or perhaps going back in the office.

Trust me, you will feel so much better immediately after. Much much lighter, to say the least. If you’re worried about your puffy eyes and swollen face, just splash water on it.

 As a therapist, I rejoice every moment when my clients shedding their tears. Their lives restart after, lighter.

Remember, we are designed to cry when the needs are calling for it. It is a part of us and it is a skill that we inherently have. Enjoy it!

Tell us, what helps you enjoying your cry? Share your comments below.

 

Yours truly,

Astuti

We are MEANT to leave a legacy – In memory of Widayati and Suwarto Martosudirjo-

It’s been 23 days since my mother passed away.

While grieving, I have more time to rest, to sit still and to reflect on all that have been happening lately.

Having both of the most important and influential persons in my life already passed away, I ponder a lot about my life and theirs.

Despite the pains I have in my heart for missing them, I decided to continue living my life as full as I can although I’m also less than sure on how to live my life without my parents. It is new to me, and is a bit daunting.

As I adjourn deeper into my question, it becomes very clear to me that my parents leave my siblings and I a few important things to take further into our lives without them physically here.

It is their values, the deepest beliefs in their hearts that they held so dearly, about them and about life, and the wisdoms they have gotten when they were still physically here. This is essentially their legacy. Not only for us, but also for the people around them.

My parents never sat us down and preached to us on what values they held so dearly. No!

I learnt it from how they behaved on day-to-day basis in dealing with opportunities and set back, in expressing what are important and not for them, the lessons they learned from life, and through how they connect with each other and others. This was not a one off thing. I observe patterns after patterns of behaviors from them throughout my life. Some are uplifting and some are not. When they passed away, these patterns become much more obvious.

What I find most beautiful about this legacy is that there are no conditions attached to it. It is free for me to take. No need to pay inheritance taxes for it (!!).

It is an offering they give their children and we are free to take what are suitable for us.

In the recent weeks, I feel so much more “grown up” because now I become an elder in my family. Comes with it is the feeling that I feel more empowered and have a bigger sense of self-responsibility to choose which “inheritance” I want to keep to serve my life and which ones to let go. I must admit, it feels uplifting and daunting at the same time. The same feeling I always got when I was about to embark on a change.

To ease the way forward, I opt for my conviction that once people pass away, what remains is only LOVE, and not ego. I have a deep-rooted belief that my parents want us, their children, to live OUR lives, and not the lives that they once (perhaps) wished and planned for us.

This realization touched me in my deepest core. This is what a legacy is all about. This is what passing on the baton means. Legacy is simply an offering of collective wisdoms and values from a person to others to use as one of many fuels for their lives. Realizing this comforts me a great deal.

Now, here is a fact. EVERYONE leaves a legacy, consciously or unconsciously, regardless whether we like it or not, whether we want it or not.

It really does not matter how much money we have or do not have in life, how much or how little we are educated, where we live, whether we are single or have a family, etc. We are MEANT to leave a legacy because we always touch people around us, in one way or another.

So, here is a thought for us all. Do we know what we are leaving behind?

Here are some clues to ask ourselves:

  • What wisdom have I gained in my life up to now?
  • How do I love others and myself?
  • What do I choose to be important in my life, so much so I do not want to live without?
  • How have I been dealing with setbacks?
  • How have I been responding when opportunities knock on my door?
  • What are my inner guidelines in making decisions?
  • What kind of relationships I have been developing with people in my life?

Reflect on these questions. Journal them. Share them with the ones close to you, if you wish.

When you don’t feel satisfied with the answers you come up with, CHANGE THEM. You still have time. Take advantage of it while it lasts. You can TRANSFORM your legacy, anytime.

 

So, tell me – what do you intend to leave as a legacy? Thanks for sharing your thoughts in the comment section below.

Yours truly,

Astuti

Welcome to Upliftmylife.today Vlog

Welcome, everyone.

I am Astuti and I am the owner of Uplift My Life Today.

I work as a transformation coach, a hypnotherapist and a career advisor – all in one person.

I am very happy to see you here. I would like to welcome you again into this community, the tribe that consist of people who have decided that life is worth living and are always looking for ways to make our lives more enjoyable and more meaningful for ourselves and for other people.

I hope by now you would have had a chance to look around our website. This part of Upliftmylife.today is dedicated for me and you and everyone of us in the tribe to interact on a regular basis.

Working with so many clients from all parts of the world in uplifting their lives, I realized that there are so many lessons I learned from these interactions that are really worth sharing with everyone who finds such lessons relevant.

Going forward, I will share what my personal reflections coming from interaction with different people and lessons that I learned myself along my life journey. I will also have different guests coming to speak on the video or to write articles.

I am excited to get to know you, to share the journey of life with you, and to hear from you.

I truly hope we can learn from one another. Thank you!

Astuti