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The dance between addiction and money stress

 


(You can also listen to this podcast from iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Breaker, Pocket Casts, and RadioPublic)

 

Sometimes, as life happens, we lose sight of why we do what we do.

More often than not, as we take a bit of time to recall why we are so busy doing things, we may discover that the busy-ness is usually to deal with or avoid some stress and fear.

 

Hindsight view is 20/20 – so clear.

Looking back, I could see how the achievement addiction I had correlated with the unconscious belief I had about money. These two fed each other in my subconscious mind in a vicious cycle for years until I experienced burnout.

What a start it was to dismantle these two unconscious forces in my life then.

 

Let me share with you my story.

 

Due to the traumas that I experienced in my birth process and growing up (you could hear more of my story in this episode), my unconscious core need was to secure support and connections to feel safe. This need will continue to stay on until I die, in different degrees and forms.

 

When I was four years old, my father had a severe car accident. We were grateful he didn’t die, yet the close encounter with death impacted our family deeply. Since then, my parents raised me as their first (alive) child with the intention that if anything ever happened to them, I’d be able to take care of my siblings.

 

I grew up fast, consequently. The unconscious strategy that I went for then was to learn as many life skills as possible to save myself and help others attain safety. There was this feeling that I would be safe when everyone was too.

 

Over the years, these life skills became my strengths and, eventually, my personality.

 

I ended up naturally in roles and situations which required me to face crises. Crisis always brings with it an invitation to transform. This continues until today as I feel at home to play a role as an enabler of a transformation. In the past, I did this for organizations. These days I do it for individuals. Such opportunities happened so often in my life, even way before I started to enter the workplace.

 

Up to the end of 2008, I paid a high price in this path, however. I didn’t allow myself to ask for help, and I stretched myself so thin for so long. As I was doing everything to keep “everyone safe”, I put myself last. Thirty-four years of existence doing this led me to burnout in December 2008.

In hindsight, I could see that the achievement addiction I had was my continuous efforts to experience the feeling of safety and connections.

It was shocking to realize it at first. Yet I made peace with it. In that, I made peace with what happened and the choices that I made, consciously and unconsciously.

 

So, how did the money stress fit into this?

Up to the burnout, I had an unconscious habit of sharing what I earned with the people I cared about, especially my parents. This was the same unconscious strategy that I had to feel safe. I shared what I have so everyone can feel “safe”.

 

My parents never asked me to do so. I just did it. They appreciated this although they were very concerned that I didn’t save the money for me. I remembered telling them not to worry about me.

 

The truth was, now that I could see it, the hidden (unconscious) reason why I was not saving enough for myself was that I was very uncomfortable with money as energy. I’d even label it as a fear.

This fear came from what I observed in my extended and immediate family system that became an active unconscious program in my subconscious mind – the beliefs such as “money ruins family”, “money breaks relationships”, “money induces distrust”, etc.

In my subconscious mind, money was a threat to my core needs, which is to attain support and connections with others.

 

Can you see how these unconscious beliefs and programs about money that I had made me feel unsafe?

In the past, whenever I earned money (and making money was never an issue), I felt unsafe. To feel safer, I had to work even more. Work was the primary way to attain a feeling of safety.  This goes on and on and on that, it became a vicious (unconscious) cycle for years.

 

Then burnout happened. It was an invitation to stop, rest and reset. It was an invitation to start over.

I can see how all these are connected.

 

For so long, money was more of a stressor than it was a welcome resource. For a long time, the beliefs I had about money fed the achievement addiction that I had.

 

Thankfully, this has changed since!!

 

And this is what this podcast episode is about.

Ilana JankowitzMy conversation with Ilana Jankowitz, a Certified Mindful Money Coach and NLP Practitioner based in Zurich, Switzerland, is about how our existing money beliefs, habits, and patterns (represented by the Archetypes) contribute to the stress and fear we have.

We are also discussing financial abuse, how addiction and money stress correlates and rooted in the same wound and what needs to be done to change these. Ilana gives us some practical tips and tools to help you be more aware of your existing archetype as the first step in changing your relationship with money.

Ilana helps entrepreneurs look for new opportunities and grow their businesses by showing them how to develop a great relationship with money and set in motion the action steps they need to take to live their true purpose.

 

Enjoy and remember to share it with others.

 

Love,

Astuti

 

Timestamp:

00:00     Welcome

03:45     Introduction to Ilana Jankowitz of Mindful Money Coaching and her personal story in transforming her limiting money stress, belief, fears and destructive habits.

10:00     The difference between Financial Planner and Mindful Money Coach.

12:46     What archetypes in money coaching mean and what they are. Why it is helpful to know to change your money mindset.

20:30    Example of how the archetypes play out in our money decision. How these archetypes show up in us.

26:05    How (unconscious) guilt sabotages our efforts to change our money mindset.

31:00    Financial abuse – what it is and how it plays out in our life, the inner work to be done to move into a healthier relationship. The common root cause of addiction and money stress and what to do about it.

45:55     Steps to change your money mindset and available supports to help you. Do the Money Mindset free quiz https://www.mindfulmoneycoaching.com/money-type-quiz/.

49:00    Summary of this discussion. How to stay in touch with Ilana Jankowitz.

 

I’d love to hear from you. Please write to me at astuti@upliftmylife.today for input, feedback and suggestions. Thank you!

 

#moneymindset #moneyhealing #ilanajankowitz #mindfulmoneycoaching  #traumahealing #inheritedfamilytraumahealing #breakinthebond #developmentaltrauma #burnout #mentalhealth #upliftmylifetoday #achievementaddiction #addiction #moneystress #moneymindset#risefromburnout #intentionallife #selflove #selfcare #rttworks #bodycode #emotioncode #inheritedfamilytrauma #astutimartosudirdjo #ancestraltrauma

 

Copyrights etc.:

Music used in this episode: “On My Way” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com).

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

Mengisi ulang kalbu dengan “sparks and passion” – Irvan Saputra Masyulhak

 


(You can also listen to this podcast from iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Breaker, Pocket Casts, and RadioPublic)

 

Tiba-tiba di awal tahun 2020 fisik dan mental Irvan Saputra Masyulhak yang biasanya aktif, prima dan sehat menjadi lesu, tidak berenergi dan mati rasa. Yang sangat mengkhawatirkan adalah hal ini berlangsung selama berbulan-bulan. Buat seorang Go-Getter yang punya tendensi untuk selalu mencapai target lebih dari yang diminta, hal ini membuat dirinya dan juga keluarganya sangat khawatir.

 

Percakapan di episode ini adalah refleksi Irvan tentang apa yang terjadi, apa yang dilakukannya untuk keluar dari situasi yang menakutkan ini dan bagaimana kehidupannya berubah drastis semenjak memulai proses transformasi ini.

 

Siapakah Irvan?

Irvan adalah seorang Finance Professional yang saat ini berkarir sebagai CFO di sebuah perusahaan Biotechnolgy di Belanda. Dia berdomisili di kota Utrecht sejak tahun 2012. Awal mula kepindahannya ke Belanda adalah untuk melanjutkan Pendidikan MBA dan juga menemani istrinya yang saat itu ditugaskan sebagai expat dari perusahaannya. 

 

 

Di waktu senggang, Irvan bersama Istri dan seorang putra mereka yang berusia 4 tahun sangat menikmati hiking ke pegunungan, travelling mengunjungi daerah-daerah baru, dan juga baking cake.  

 

 

Keinginan terbesar Irvan adalah untuk membawa pengaruh positif terhadap lingkungan sekitarnya. Untuk mewujudkannya, Irvan sedang menjalani pendidikan sebagai Career Coach dengan tujuan untuk mendukung orang-orang, terutama dari Indonesia, yang mempunyai cita-cita berkarir di dunia Internasional (IG: irvansa_  Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/irvan-saputra-masyulhak-193b66/

 

Selamat mendengarkan,

Astuti

 

Timestamp:

00:00   Selamat datang dan pembukaan.

01:55   Masalah dan kendala berat dan tak terduga yang dihadapi oleh Irvan di awal tahun 2020.

10:13   Refleksi akan gejala-gejala yang dialami sebelum tahun 2020.

14:00   Bantuan yang Irvan cari untuk merubah situasi dan kondisinya.

20:23   Hal-hal yang mengejutkan dari proses transformasi Irvan.

26:18   Penemuan mengejutkan mengenai ketakutan yang sangat dalam di alam bawah sadar Irvan yang mempengaruhi cara hidupnya sampai saat itu.

30:44   Bagaimana kehidupan Irvan berubah semenjak menjalankan proses transformasi ini di berbagai aspek kehidupannya – hubungan dengan istri, dengan anak, di perkerjaan, di lingkungan dan dengan dirinya sendiri.

43:35   Input buat siapapun yang ingin melakukan proses transformasi

49:23   Rangkuman dari percakapan ini dan informasi untuk menghubungi Irvan.

 

Silakan memberi feedback dan input melalui astuti@upliftmylife.today.

Juga, jika ingin berkonsultasi, silakan membuat janji lewat https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

 

#traumahealing #inheritedfamilytraumahealing #breakinthebond #developmentaltrauma #burnout #mentalhealth #upliftmylifetoday

#risefromburnout #intentionallife #selflove #selfcare #rttworks #bodycode #emotioncode #inheritedfamilytrauma #astutimartosudirdjo

 

Copyrights etc.:

Music used in this episode: “On My Way” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com).

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

Trauma healing support with essential oils

 

(You can also listen to this podcast from iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Breaker, Pocket Casts, and RadioPublic)

 

“Astuti, is there anything that I can do to support me throughout this transformation journey?”
 
I get this question regularly.
 
And, I am continuously searching for ways to suggest to my clients.
 
What I’ve learnt about transformation is the following: to experience it, we are to do TWO PARALLEL things – healing the wounds that created unconscious beliefs and programs that are currently running our life AND to strengthen what we would like to experience, right now.

For example, when we’d like to enjoy a fulfilling sense of success (instead of empty success), joy is one of the emotions we would like to experience very often.
 
To do so, in parallel, we are to heal the wounds that created unconscious beliefs and program that block us from FEELING and EXPERIENCING joy AND do something concretely daily that allows you to feel joy. There is endless opportunity for this. I find immense joy in “chatting” with my 27 months old nephew Leo, so every day, I’d Facetime video him even only for a few minutes.
 
I’d recommend my clients take good care of their body, mind and emotion when going through such a transformative process. Drinking enough, moving enough (through sports, dancing, walking, whatever suits them best), doing something creative (singing, writing, drawing, etc.), resting enough, connecting with their loved ones, and consuming enough vitamins and supplements are some of them.
 
Now, I am adding essential oil as a resource for supporting trauma healing, and it is the topic of today’s podcast.
 
I am very excited to host Kari Dunlop in this conversation. Her transformation journey is quite a story.
 
I got to know Kari when I learnt Inherited Family Trauma healing from Mark Wolynn, the author of “It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle”. This training is about accessing family and ancestral traumas that are still impacting us today and compassionately liberate ourselves from it.
 
Kari has been working with Mark for 11 years, and, in addition to practising this healing method herself, she is also coordinating everything that has to do with the training. In one session, she briefly shared how essential oil is beneficial to support trauma healing.
 
Ding… ding… ding!!
 
I immediately got in touch with her, and here we are.
 
Kari Dunlop is a certified functional medicine health coach and wellness junkie specialising in inherited family trauma, based in Calgary, Canada. 
 
It was her own 25-year struggle with a chronic illness that ultimately changed things for her in the best of ways. The proverbial silver lining of her ‘hell-th’ journey was discovering the work of Mark Wolynn, one of the leading experts in the field of inherited family trauma.
 
A former TV producer, Kari now helps people see how the real-life stories of their family histories are unknowingly connected to the challenges they currently struggle with. It didn’t start with us, and the good news is that we can break the generational cycle of these patterns.
 
Kari is also a Martha Beck life coach and a self-professed neuroscience geek obsessed with learning about the brain. Kari has studied with neuroplasticity experts Rick Hanson, Annie Hopper and Lisa Wimberger.  She is also a Young Living essential oil specialist who teaches about the benefits of essential oils on the brain. 
 
“Astuti, what can my parents do to release their fear and anxiety when they’re not willing to get professional help?”
 

To that, I’d say, listen to this episode, as we will discuss how essential oil supports trauma healing, what essential oils to use, and the answer to the above question.

 
Kari is also sharing some resources that I’m listing below.
One of them is a webinar called “All the Feels – The science of your brain, emotions + oils”.
 
See you on the podcast channel and enjoy your exploration on this topic!
 
With love,
Astuti

 

Resources:
To get Young Living Essential Oils – write to me at astuti@upliftmylife.today.
Recording of “All the Feels– The Science of your brain, emotions + Oils” webinar. Password: 0ilyG0Odne$s
Resources from Carla Green – a wealth of resource for you to access.
It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn.
Evidence-based Essential Oil Therapy: The Ultimate Guide to the Therapeutic and Clinical Application of Essential Oils by Dr Scott A. Johnson.
Your Brain On Oils: The Undiscovered Science of Essential Oils by Corey Deacon.
The Aroma Freedom Technique: Using Essential Oils to Transform Your Emotions and Realise Your Heart’s Desire by Dr Benjamin Perkus

 

Timestamp:

00:00   Opening

01:15   Meet Kari Dunlop, a Certified Functional Medicine Health Coach -Inherited Family Trauma Practitioner- Young Living essential oil lover and her story to heal her chronic disease that was untreatable for 19 years.

07:43   Scientific study explains what happens to the brain when we’re using an essential oil that accelerates the healing. The Fabulous 4 oils to support trauma healing.

09:48   What development trauma and “Break in the bond” trauma is and how these show up in our lives as adults. How and which essential oils can support our efforts to heal these.

15:38   Protocol and essential oils to support grief or emotionally fragile state.

22:15   The three steps to use essential oil in supporting your healing journey, including neuroplasticity exercises.

26:43   What influences the speed of your body feeling the positive impact of essential oils. Some essential oil expert in following (they are authors and public speakers).

28:40   Can essential oils help people who are not yet willing to heal their traumas with the help of professionals (psychologist, therapists, etc.)?

34:34   What is “Break in the bond” trauma and which oils to use to support its healing—information about Mark Wolynn (www.markwolynn.com).

43:43   How to stay connected with Kari Dunlop and to watch her webinar “All the Feels – the Science of your brain, emotions + oils” (password: 0ilyG0Odne$s). To get Young Living essential oils, reach out to me at astuti@upliftmylife.today.

 

I’d love to hear from you. Please write to me at astuti@upliftmylife.today for input, feedback and suggestions. Thank you!

 

#traumahealing #inheritedfamilytraumahealing #breakinthebond #developmentaltrauma #essentialoil #essentialoils #burnout #mentalhealth #upliftmylifetoday

#risefromburnout #intentionallife #selflove #selfcare #rttworks #bodycode #emotioncode #inheritedfamilytrauma #astutimartosudirdjo

 

Copyrights etc.:

Music used in this episode: “On My Way” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com).

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

 

Clean beauty and skin care – what it means for us

 

(You can also listen to this podcast from iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Breaker, Pocket Casts, and RadioPublic)

Our skin is the largest organ in our body, and it has several roles, one of them being a protective barrier between our internal body and the external world.

 

I find it fascinating that dermatologists are more accepting of “psychodermatology” field investigating the role of stress and other psychological issues in skin problems. They treat social anxiety, depression and other psychological issues that can arise when people have skin conditions.

Our body, mind, and spirit are indeed fully connected.
How we are is a result of the collaboration of at least three superintelligences within us, and we have a role to play in it. Our choice has a direct impact on them, which results in our wellbeing or disease.

 

This upcoming episode is my conversation with Ale Franco about helping our skin from the outside in.

Clean beauty is a terminology that has been discussed for a few years, and we’ll talk about what it means here; what the “dirty ingredients” are and where and how to find the information. Ale also shares some recipes for home-made healthy skincare products that you can make using essential oils. Essential oils are highly beneficial for all of our physical, emotional and spiritual bodies.

Our intention for this episode is to provide you with some information to raise your awareness about skincare so that you can make healthier and better choices for you and your family.

You may remember Ale from her episode about essential oil (episode 29).
Educated as an industrial engineer, Ale has been learning about the regulations and labelling policy around personal care and household products for years that she felt she must share it. Her mission is to help herself and others to make healthier choices for lives.

A Corporate Senior Executive for a retail business based in Mexico City by day, Ale is also a Young Living Independent Distributor. She turned her passion into an alternate professional path a few years ago.

Happy listening and sharing it with others.

 

With love,
Astuti

 

Some reading recommendations:

EWG Skin deep directory

Dirty Ingredients App

Aromatherapy Handbook Beauty, Hair, and Skincare by Erich Keller
Saving Face: The Scent-able Way to Wrinkle-Free Skin by Sabina DeVita

DIY: Beauty – Star Moree and Kari McDermott

www.mywellnesslife.org

 

Timestamp:

00:00    Opening

00:40    Why it is essential to take care of our skin. What clean beauty means. How to find the “dirty ingredients” list.

11:26    Key highlights to regulations within the personal care industry and what it means for us as consumers.

21:00    What to watch out for when selecting Fragrances.

31:00    The importance of knowing how your skin care’s ingredients were sourced.

34:58    What to be careful of when you are using clean beauty products.

36:41    A handful of easy recipes to make your skincare products.

47:57    Books references, summary, and closing. How to get connected with Ale Franco.

 

I’d love to hear from you. Please write to me at astuti@upliftmylife.today for input, feedback and suggestions. Thank you!

 

#cleanbeauty #essentialoil #essentialoils #burnout #mentalhealth #upliftmylifetoday #risefromburnout #intentionallife #selflove #selfcare #rttworks #bodycode #emotioncode #inheritedfamilytrauma #astutimartosudirdjo

 

Copyrights etc.:

Music used in this episode: “On My Way” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com).

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

The root causes of achievement addiction

 

(You can also listen to this podcast from iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Breaker, Pocket Casts, and RadioPublic)

 

It’s been five years since I started my path as a Subconscious Mind Reprogrammer. Five enriching years of self-growth and growing as a supporter of others.

It’s also been twelve years since the burnout experience that I had.

 

Throughout all these years, I have been diving into the depth of human psyche to understand what the subconscious mind is and how it works.
This underworld is a vast universe, yet as a Piscean, I love it. I accept that I will always be learning about this until my time to leave this earth comes.

 

I started doing this for me, and in the last five years, I started sharing what I’ve learnt along the way through my work with my clients.

Having me as my main stakeholder, I wanted to explain to myself clearly what got me into burnout.
I’ve been gathering many puzzle pieces of answers since 2009. In 2018, another big puzzle piece became clear. I concluded that I had behaviours resembling being addicted to achieve and grow for years before the burnout, obviously at self-care cost.

 

It was a big stamp – addiction, one that I felt very uncomfortable with. Yet, in my heart, I felt there was truth in it.

So, I continued to dive deeper. Shame and guilt were there with me for a while. Mindfully, as I dig deeper, I also continued with my healing journey. The two were inseparable. Over time, the shame and guilt dissipate, self-compassion grew, and I could articulate better what I discovered.

 

In April 2019, I released a podcast episode about achievement addiction.
Many people responded to this. Conversations happened, healing journeys commenced, and state of being transformed.

I’ve learnt a great deal facilitating processes for others, so it is time to share one specific aspect of achievement addiction: the root causes.

 

My friend, Julie Grauel, kindly welcome my invitation to facilitate this reflection. Similarly, we both love to explore the subconscious mind universe.

 

I hope to provide you with a perspective that can help you start your healing journey through self-healing or getting support from others.

 

After we recorded this episode, I continued reading a book by Gabor Maté, MD- In the Realm of HUNGRY GHOSTS – Close encounters with Addiction – and I landed in the following paragraph:

Any passion can become an addiction, but then how to distinguish between the two? The central question is: who’s in charge, the individual or their behaviour? 

It’s possible to rule a passion, but an obsessive passion that a person is unable to rule is an addiction. 

And the addiction is the repeated behaviour that a person keeps engaging in, even though he knows it harms himself or others. How it looks externally is irrelevant. The key issue is a person’s internal relationship to the passion and its related behaviours.

 

I know exactly what he means, and I know now how achievement addiction and passion look and feel differently in my body. When I am in the passion zone, I am at ease with all – growing, achieving, and caring for myself.

 

Take time to listen to this episode. Do it multiple times. There is a lot of reflection here. 
Please share it with others too.

And when you feel you want support transforming your achievement addiction to move into the passion zone, have a chat with me.

 

With love,
Astuti

 

Some reading recommendations:

In the Realm of HUNGRY GHOSTS – Close encounters with Addiction by Gabor Maté, MD.
It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle. by Mark Wolynn.
The Biology of Beliefs by Bruce H. Lipton PhD.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk, MD.
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski, PhD and Emilia Nagoski DMA.

 

 

Timestamp:

00:00:00         Opening

00:01:30          The behaviours of an Achievement addict.

00:08:25          How one becomes an achievement addict. What addiction is and what causes addictive behaviours.

00:17:00          When disconnections that lead to addiction can happen and what they can do to our psyche development.

00:38:30          Why it is difficult to let go of achievement addiction and what needs to happen to help the journey of transforming achievement addiction.

00:42:30          Key steps to get to the roots of achievement addiction.

00:47:30          How ancestral trauma contributes to achievement addiction. Support to consider to let go of the achievement addiction on the subconscious mind level

00:58:20          What feeds achievement addiction.

01:00:00          Fundamental steps to transform achievement addiction, including how Astuti helps her achievement addict clients.

01:08:00          Summary and closing.

 

I’d love to hear from you. Please write to me at astuti@upliftmylife.today for input, feedback and suggestions. Thank you!

 

#achievementaddiction #gogetter #burnout #mentalhealth #upliftmylifetoday #risefromburnout #intentionallife #selflove #selfcare #rttworks #bodycode #emotioncode #inheritedfamilytrauma #astutimartosudirdjo

 

Copyrights etc.:

Music used in this episode: “On My Way” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com).

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

 

Decluttering trapped emotions after divorce or break-up

(Opportunity for a free 30-minute virtual session)

 

It doesn’t matter whether you just come out from a divorce /breakup or have been out of the woods for a while, what I truly want to know is how your heart feels now.

When the idea of starting a new relationship feels heavy on your chest and weighing your body down, this may help you: decluttering negative trapped emotions.
 
Trapped emotions cause pain, self-sabotage, emotional problems, as well as “the heart wall”.

 
The heart wall is an energetic wall surrounding our heart made of trapped emotions. It’s created by the Subconscious mind as a way to protect us from heartaches during stressful emotional events.
 
The problem is that the heart wall disturbs our ability to connect with and experience the feeling of love within us and from others.

Let go your emotional baggage so you can start afresh in your life, now!
 
Ready to liberate yourself from this debilitating situation?
Contact me to arrange your 30-minute (free of charge) Emotion Code VIRTUAL session where I will clear some trapped emotions from your body.

This opportunity is valid until June 30th 2020 and limited to 5 people.
See you soon!

 

Love,

Astuti

Uplift My Life Today Podcast – Ep. 23 – Conscious Conflict – Kelly Brandli

“We see the world, not as it is, but as we are──or, as we are conditioned to see it.” – Stephen R. Covey

 

(You can also listen to this podcast from iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Breaker, Pocket Casts, and RadioPublic)

 

On any given day, this is why relationship; especially romantic, is…. a lot of work. 

It requires efforts to understand each other continuously. Decoding what a person communicates is a life skill that one can always get better at.
Bringing together two (or more) people (each with their own “unique lenses” to see the world) is certainly not for the faint of hearts. 

 

The bottom line is when we say yes to relationship, we’re also saying yes to conflict.

No escape is the theme of 2020. It has enforced us to be more present  in our relationships, with fewer external distractions.

It’s been challenging for many. And it is okay to admit that it is. Facing people carrying a mirror in front of our face all day long is intense.  

Regardless, the situation ultimately presents an opportunity to accelerate your thought process to go for healthier choices. There are many amazing rewards, for sure!
 
The question that I’m raising in this podcast episode is HOW we can get the gift from something so permanent, pervasive and consistent in our relationship, like conflict is. We might as well, right?

Is it easy? Well…. it is do-able, with a good understanding about what is going on when there is a conflict. 

Come on over to join my discussion with Kelly Brändli, a Scientific Dating and Relationship Coach based in Switzerland.

Kelly, a much loved 2nd time guest in this channel (check out her previous episode Conscious Dating) and I are discussing in-depth what conflict is, what leads to it, what happens when it occurs, how to understand your spouse, and some practical tools to face conflict. You’ll also hear her speak about “gridlock” in a conflict, “couple bubble”, “managing Third”, micro cheating and jealousy.

Known as “the Dating After Divorce Coach”, Kelly is also a certified Matchmaker, who helps clients around the globe get back into the dating scene and find love again after divorce.

I’d say Kelly  is… a Love optimist with a strategy.

Hop in, invite your friends and join us!

Love,
Astuti

p.s. Kelly puts together a Conscious Conflict Quick Reference Guide to sum up what we discuss in the episode. Check it out.

 

 

Time stamp:

00:00               Welcome and introduction to Kelly Brändli, Dating and Relationship Coach and Certified Matchmaker, and what we will discuss: Framework to better understand your spouse, what conflict is and tools to implement to help facing conflicts.

05:30               What conflict is and what happens when conflict arises. Why conflict is important in a relationship and what is important to do when it arises. 4 areas that lead to conflicts.

19:45               Helpful technique to express needs in a relationship impactfully – the SSNA model

26:30               Relationship stages and cycle and how conflict plays an important role in it. What can happen when conflicts are not well attended. What can help you to reach the highest stage of the relationship to experience healthy and fulfilling relationship.

36:45               How to help yourself in increasing the chance to have healthier relationship.

38:50               Two types of problems in relationships, what a “gridlock” situation is in a relationship, what happens when gridlock is unresolved and recommendations on what to do when facing one.

43:20               Can all relationships be saved? Three levels of relationships

46:20               Ten disciplines to implement in building and nurturing a healthy and fulfilling romantic relationships. A pact that you want to make with yourself to nurture trust in relationship.

53:08               “Couple bubble “concept to keep your relationship sacred and how to create it. Third parties in relationship. What micro-cheating is and what it does to your relationship.

57:20               Jealousy – what it is and how damaging it is in a relationship. Nature of trust.

1:01:00            How to get Conscious Conflict reference guide from this episode and closing.

To get the Conscious Conflict Quick Reference Guide, download it here: http://kellybrandli.com/upliftmylife

To get in touch with Kelly Brändli, connect with her via www.kellybrandli.com

Set up an appointment here when you’re ready experience a free of charge 30-minute virtual session to declutter divorce/break up – related trapped emotions.

Inputs, feedback or suggestion for topics – write me at astuti@upliftmylife.today. Thanks!

#upliftmylifetoday #risefromburnout #intentionallife #relationshipconflict #consciousconflict #grief #datingafterdivorce #consciousrelationship #rttworks #bodycode #emotioncode

Copyrights etc.:

Music used in this Episode: “On My Way” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com).

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

Decluttering the grief-related trapped emotions

Do you feel these as you are experiencing a loss, a grief?

The tensions in your chest, the short breathe, the lump in your throat, the knot in your stomach, the foggy mind, the exhaustion and lethargic feelings in your body, the pain and ache deep in your heart, the fear, the anger, and all other emotions that linger for a long time?

 

 

These are caused by negative energies that are trapped in the body during stressful emotional events.

 

Because the body is made of pure energy, the negative energy of trapped emotions can exert a damaging force on the body, which usually worsens over time.

 

Trapped emotions cause pain, self-sabotage, emotional problems, burnout, all kinds of malfunction and disease, as well as “the heart wall”.

 

The heart wall is an energetic wall surrounding our heart made of trapped emotions. It’s created by the Subconscious mind as a way to protect us from heartaches during stressful emotional events.

 

This wall, however, is not meant to be a permanent part of us. It disturbs our natural ability to heal, to give and receive love and energy.

 

The heart wall also disturbs our ability to listen to our intuition, the most powerful embedded tool within us that serves as the most important GPS in our lives, especially in the time of change and crisis.

 

Let these trapped emotions go!

 

Ready to liberate yourself from this debilitating situation?

Contact me here to arrange your 30-minute (free of charge) Emotion Code VIRTUAL session where I will clear some trapped emotions from your body.

Offer is valid until May 31st 2020.

 

 

See you soon!

Love,

Astuti

Uplift My Life Today Podcast – Ep. 22 – Facing Grief – Karin Hagelin

There is no transformation without facing and processing grief

 

(You can also listen to this podcast from iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Breaker, Pocket Casts, and RadioPublic)

 

This is my conclusion after contemplating decades of my own continuous growth.

I didn’t know this until I faced the grief I had, several actually.

 

Grief happens when we experience a sense of loss, beyond just death: loss of health, relationship, normality, freedom, status, position, job, power, basically anything that you have, you can lose.

 

When you choose to transform yourself, you will go through a grieving phase, for whatever it is you choose to part ways with, including your old self.

 

By now you may realise that I bring up many “heavy” topics into the podcast, like shame, vulnerability, limiting beliefs, dysfunctional relationships, a feeling of inadequacy, achievement addictions, decluttering, letting go, intuition, etc.

These are building blocks, fundamental and important ones, for a healthy and fulfilling life; an UPLIFTED life.

 

We, Go-getters, are driven individuals who really wish to make a positive dent in the world and also in our lives. Yet, the topics above are our blind spots a lot of the time. Grief is another important one.

“I don’t have time to grief”; “I must be strong for my family”; “Suck it up and move on”; “Feeling takes so much energy and time”; “I hate crying”; “I can’t be sad when I am still here”; are just some self-talk we have when facing grief.

 

I said all these and more to myself in the past. I didn’t know what this habit did to me, to my body, to my emotion, to my spirit. Until the sudden passing of my Dad in 2012 became the straw that broke the camel’s back.

 

I was down on my knee feeling unsure how to proceed with my life. My inner body collapsed; my blood pressure went through the roof. That was the beginning of my relationship with understanding and integrating grief in my life.

 

All of you reading this deserve to have the life that you desire and to grow in the way that you wish.

For that, get to know grief and integrate that into your life. It will un-stuck you, your life and your loved ones.

 

In this newest episode, join my conversation with Karin Hagelin on what grief is, how this shows up in your life, what the costs are when you’re not facing it, how to do it and how to support others in grief.

 

Karin was the person who helped me processed mine in 2013.

She is a Life Crisis Coach based in Zurich, Switzerland, who helps people from many countries manage grief, loss and trauma; get relief from stress and anxiety; release unhealthy patterns of thought and behaviour; and heal relationships.

 

 

 

Enjoy this episode, take all in, and share it with everyone you know.

Because… we’re all meant to grow.

 

Love,

Astuti

 

Timestamp:

00:00                   Welcome and introduction

10:15                   What grief is, the symptoms, what is required to face grief, and how we got disconnected from an in-built process to face grief in our cultures.

13:10                   What can trigger grief

19:40                   How grief manifests in our body and our feelings.

23:12                   What happens to our body when we grief.

26:45                   Symptoms to know when to start grieving, when to get help and how to grief together with others.

34:10                   How to support others who experience grief

40:33                   Signs that we are well in processing grief

45:18                   The costs of delaying or not processing grief

49:50                   How to face grief. Emergency tool to overcome unexpected overpowering grief emotion.

55:55                   Resources to use to support a grieving journey.

 

Set up an appointment here when you’re ready experience a free of charge 30-minute virtual session to declutter grief-related trapped emotions.
To get in touch with Karin Hagelin , connect with her via www.karinhagelin.ch
Inputs, feedback or suggestion for topics – write me at astuti@upliftmylife.today. Thanks!
#upliftmylifetoday #risefromburnout #intentionallife #grief #onlinegriefsupport #onlinegriefcounselling #onlinestressmanagementsupport #stressandanxietysupportonline #efttappingpractitioner

 

 

Copyrights etc.:

Music used in this Episode: “On My Way” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com).

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

Uplift My Life Today Podcast – Ep. 21 – Let’s demystify SHAME – Nena Martinez

 

(You can also listen to this podcast from iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Breaker, Pocket Casts, and RadioPublic)

 

Don’t I know it.

In my mind, I almost died to realize it.

This was one of gifts that burnout gave me. Burnout brought out so much shame to the surface that I had to face them one-by-one.

 

I was and still am a Go-getter. There is a difference now, however.

 

Before burn out, Go-getter was my identity. I associated all of my self-worth with how much I achieved and grew. I pushed myself internally so much so that I didn’t need anyone from the outside to remind me to do more. I had a lot of people reminded me to slow down and rest instead.

 

After rising from burnout, I associate a smaller portion of who I am (I would not be honest if I say none) with achievements. I still enjoy learning, digging deep and implementing something new to uplift myself. I also still feel so connected with others when I am useful for them.

 

Yet, I also consciously make an effort to be more compassionate towards myself – to be kinder, more caring, more loving, more forgiving. It is a choice that I make on daily basis. Some days are better than others, which I must admit.

 

This is why I choose to bring SHAME as a topic into this podcast episode.

 

I had to face shame (and guilt) as I went on in my transformation process. It was a daunting journey.

Back then, I experienced how shame held me back from transforming.

These days, I witness how shame impacts my clients in the same way too.

 

When the feeling of stuck arises, usually there is shame underneath it.

If you really want to transform, you need to understand and face shame.

 

In this episode, Nena Martinez; who trained with Dr. Brené Brown in helping others understanding their shame triggers; and I are demystifying what shame is, what breeds it, what will happen when we’re not transmuting shame and also some tips on how to do that. We also discuss how it impacts the way we parent.

 

Based in Monterrey, Mexico, Nena facilitates workshops, consultations, and individual sessions where she explores themes like vulnerability, courage, compassion, shame, values, conscious parenting etc.

Take your time listening to this episode. Download it and keep it with you, as you will want to listen to this a number of times. Remember to share it with others too!
 
And most importantly, in it, you will find some tools to use. If you need further support from either Nena or myself, reach out to us.

 

With love,

Astuti

 

 

 

Timestamp:

00:00     Welcome

04:35     What shame is and how it manifests tangibly in our lives. Is shame that bad?

14:15      Can I still achieve and grow without shame?

20:35      What is Shame Resilience process?

24:30      How secrecy, judgment and silence breeds shame. What can dissolve shame.

26:45      What empathy and sympathy is and how they differ.

30:35      The difference between secret and silence. How we can show up in the best way for others who are sharing secrets.  

33:15     The cost of keeping secrets. What to consider before sharing a secret to others.

40:15      How to stop ourselves from judging.

42:10      Is shame facing influenced by culture? What are the costs of not letting shame go?

48:45      Why do we shame our kids so much as parents? What is parenting?

57:00      What we can be more mindful of when doing the role of parents.

1:01:05   Summary

1:02:15   How to get in touch with Nena Martinez and what support she can do for you.                        

Set up an appointment here when you’re ready to face and let go shame. The first 30 minutes coaching is free of charge.

Inputs, questions, feedback or suggestion for topics – write me at astuti@upliftmylife.today. Thanks!

To get in touch with Nena Martinez, connect with her here: Facebook, Instagram and LINKEDIN.

 

#upliftmylifetoday #risefromburnout #intentionallife #overcominginadequacy #intentionalliving #igniteyou #igniteyourlife #livingvulnerability #vulnerability #shame #guilt

 

Copyrights etc.:

Music used in this Episode: “On My Way” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com).

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License