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Does your help disempower others?

 

 

 

“When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.”
– Maya Angelou

 
«So, does your help empower or disempower her?”

My world stopped when I heard this question.
 
It was 2012. My Father passed away suddenly a few months prior, and I intended to support my mother as she grieved. What I experienced was a lot of friction, painful friction, instead.
 
It was not an understatement that I felt horrified by this question and what I realized.
 

Immediately, I could see clearly how I supported my mother disempowered her.
How I approached her with a “solution” disturbed her process of connecting with her strengths– the strength that I have always admired and respected.
 

“Can you see how arrogant you are?” My therapist asked me. “You think you know better.”
 

With a mixture of peeved and shock, I uttered. “Yes”.
Then tears started to stream down my face.
“I do not mean to disempower nor disrespect my mother. I am very sorry”.
 

The incredible thing about this was that I could breathe well at that moment. Like I was relieved. I knew the truth was spoken then.

It was true; the whole thing was true. I thought I knew better, and yes, the word for it was “arrogance”.
No, it was not easy to be called arrogant, yet looking at what happened, I was.
 
I was horrified to discover that my desire to support my mother resulted in disempowerment. I love my mother with all my heart.
 
I don’t want to disempower people. I also don’t want to disempower myself.
When I disempower others, I actually disempower myself.
 
 
This was the beginning of such a humbling inward journey to be more honest with me.
My grief brought me to a deeper understanding of where I was at in my life then. Doors of expansion opened up as I went deeper into myself during this time.
 
 
I discovered that underneath my desire to help my mother, I had a deep suppressed fear – the fear of losing my mother.

This was a very familiar fear, a long companion in my life.
 
My (now late) mother had a chronic illness. Throughout my life, I experienced a few times when she did not feel she could make it. Each time this happened, the fear of losing my mother grew. Over time, this fear was wrapped up in an exquisite packaging of “I am strong, and I can help or fix the situation”. For my young heart, this was more “empowering” than “I am scared my mother is going to die”.

I lived unconsciously in this narrative. I became a “problem solver”; a “crisis manager”; a “destructor and rebuilder”.  It became a part of my identity.

Little did I realize that this came from a debilitating fear of losing my mother at a young age.
 
The more truthful way to describe the situation was, “I want my mother to be well so I can be well too”.
 
 

Then, I started doing the inner work to heal the childhood trauma and unresolved wounds that fed the deep fear of losing my mother. The truth is that human is mortal; everyone that comes here will leave.
 
 
Since then, I regularly do a double take whenever I support or help others – I check in with myself about what makes it important for me to do so and how I can do it in an empowering way for both of us. Life has been so much more light and enriching for me since.
 

Little did I know that such a healing journey also became highly beneficial for my professional life.
A few years later, I chose to change my career direction and started a profession requiring deep interaction with others – helping them move THEMSELVES from fear into safety – within.
 
This was when I decided to be a catalyst for others – as it is about my client’s life, not mine.
 

Why am I sharing this with you?

Most of you connected to me through this newsletter tend to be Givers, Helpers and Carers for others. It is a noble choice when it is done in an honest, balanced and empowering way.

This sharing is an invitation for you to reflect on whether the reason and how you show up for others are empowering for you both.
 
This clarity will change your life for the better. This, I can assure you.

When you discover that there is a fear associated with the role you choose to take on, please, start your healing journey. This would be, hands down, the best investment you’ll ever make in your life.
 
Take good care of yourself.
Showing up for others can be done in an uplifting way.

 

Please join me in sending my late mother, Widayati, loving energy as with her support, I could share this lesson with you and make the journey into life with much more love and less fear. Thank you.

 

With love,

Astuti

 

p.s. If you need support, feel free to set up a call with me here.

#restart #love #authenticlife #startover #love #upliftmylifetoday #intentionallife #resilience #mentalhealth #inspiration #transformation #podcast #purpose #peace #iamthepeace #wearethepeace #innerpeace #humanbeing #beinghuman #innerpeace

 

A message from Love: Follow where I flow. It always takes you HOME.

 

 

 

A message from Love – “Follow where I flow. It always takes you HOME.”

Home sweet home – our heart and soul – where fulfilment and joy grow.

 

As we courageously choose love daily instead of fear, we won’t ever feel lost. Insecure, anxious and nervous, possibly, but never lost.

 

Yes, the journey home is filled with many lessons and surprises, pleasant and unpleasant. Yet, rest assured, when it is love that we follow, it always leads us to our safest and warmest place – our heart.

 

Wishing you all a wonderful week filled with love-driven choices 🤗

 

With love,

Astuti

 

#restart #love #authenticlife #startover #love #upliftmylifetoday #intentionallife #resilience #mentalhealth #inspiration #transformation #podcast #purpose #peace #iamthepeace #wearethepeace #innerpeace #humanbeing #beinghuman #innerpeace

 

Self Love – The path to thriving after domestic violence.

 

 

 

 

I noticed how tense my body was when I listened to Jyoti Sharma share with Julie and me what she experienced when she was in an abusive relationship filled with domestic violence.

 

I caught myself breathing short as she uttered her story. I immediately started to do EFT/Tapping on my hand. I did that many times throughout the recording of this episode.

I suggest you do the same. I demonstrated briefly how to do this at the beginning of the recording (video and audio) before we began our conversation. I was glad I did.  

 

 

JJ (as Jyoti is known as) has always been a feisty woman. Ambitious and confident, she has always been driven to achieve what she wants to be and do.

 

How did it happen? How could someone as amazing as JJ experience this? How was the situation unfolded? How has she been rising since?

 

This is a truly inspirational story, and her journey continues. She is now in a place where she is healed enough to share. Julie and I feel so honoured that she chose us to host her through audio and video podcast in this courageous sharing.

 

JJ rebuilds herself  – living her life now free of fear and making choices daily from a safer space of love. She also went on to develop her own business that allowed her to support others (visit her website here) while overcoming the financial debt she was left in.

 

 

Sit with your tea or coffee and enjoy this amazing story – a story about how self-love is not only so powerful in healing such trauma but also helps us keep ourselves safe.

Please share this further with anyone you know who may benefit from this.

And please subscribe to both The Uplift My Life Today’s podcast and Youtube channels. It would be lovely to be connected with you there.

 

 

With love,
Astuti

 

Let me know what you think about this episode via astuti@upliftmylife.today

Copyrights etc.: Music used in this episode: “On My Way” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com). 

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License 

 

#restart #depression #addiction #substanceabuse #shame #guilt  #authenticlife #startover #love #upliftmylifetoday #intentionallife #resilience #mentalhealth #inspiration #transformation #podcast #purpose #peace #iamthepeace #wearethepeace #innerpeace #domesticviolence

 

 

A message from Life: I am a mystery to be lived.

 

 

 

Wishing you peace as you experience the mystery of life you are in right now 💖

 

Cheering you on as I am convinced that there is a precious gift in it for you to claim😊🙏💖

 

With love,

Astuti

 

#restart #love #authenticlife #startover #love #upliftmylifetoday #intentionallife #resilience #mentalhealth #inspiration #transformation #podcast #purpose #peace #iamthepeace #wearethepeace #innerpeace #humanbeing #beinghuman #innerpeace

 

Holiday season greetings

 

 

I wish that the shift and transformation that have happened in 2022 offer you a solid and strong foundation for the life that you continue to unfold during the 2023 cycle 🙏🙏🙏

 

In the meantime, may you enjoy this holiday season with your loved ones, feeling a lot more peaceful and content – deeply resting, recharging and rejuvenating.

 

It‘s been an honour to share the journey this year with you and look forward to continuing it.

 

With love,

Astuti

 

#restart #love #authenticlife #startover #love #upliftmylifetoday #intentionallife #resilience #mentalhealth #inspiration #transformation #podcast #purpose #peace #iamthepeace #wearethepeace #innerpeace #humanbeing #beinghuman #innerpeace

 

How courageous are you in receiving love?

 

 

Children are such amazing mirrors of true human nature.

Leo, my nephew, is one of these mirrors for me. He just turned four recently.

Being with him, I am reminded again how intuitively and generously loving the human heart is.

 

Leo loves because he loves it.

He loves being loved because he loves it.

It gives him joy when he gives and receives love. His smile and the expression in his eyes tell it all.

 

As an adult, my inner work has been to learn to be more courageous in allowing more and deeper love to flow in and to bask and enjoy being in it as long as possible.

 

I let go of layers of deeply rooted beliefs that block me from experiencing the natural joy of exchanging love, such as „A good person is a giver, not a taker“, „Sacrifice is the highest form of love“, or „I can only be happy when the people I love are happy“ or „No one truly gets me“ etc. etc.

 

 

Throughout this journey, I observe that there is so much we misunderstand about love.

 

We grew up with a misconception about the relationship between love and how we connect with others.

 

We have been taught that they are one of the same, and I don‘t believe it is true.

 

 

My biggest lesson to date is that it is possible to love someone and choose not to have them in my life; it is possible to continue loving someone who hurt me and keeps them out of my life. It is possible to continue loving others without accepting nor tolerating their unhealthy and disrespectful behaviours.

 

Why do I feel that it is crucial to understand this?

Because we are healthiest and most vibrant when love flows through us continuously.

To clear out what blocks this flow of love is what essentially life is for – a continuous effort to feel emotions courageously, to make space for inner re-attunement, upgrade beliefs, forgive, and make healthier choices are required.

 

 

It is OUR CALL to come back to love regularly and decide on how to relate to others healthily.

 

We can love without allowing others to disrespect us.

 

 

With love,

Astuti

 

#restart #love #authenticlife #startover #love #upliftmylifetoday #intentionallife #resilience #mentalhealth #inspiration #transformation #podcast #purpose #peace #iamthepeace #wearethepeace #innerpeace #humanbeing #beinghuman #innerpeace

 

Finally free! Adam’s healing journey from chronic depression and substance abuse.

 

 

 

 

Silently carrying chronic depression, addiction, shame and guilt for decades while living, appearing to be functioning well with good achievements, is the story of many.

This was also the story of Adam, who courageously shared his journey to face his suffering head-on and turn his life around.

 

 

Sitting with Julie Grauel and me in one of our “The Honest Hour” podcast episodes, Adam openly shared what happened to his childhood, formative years and the adult period before he decided to start his journey to heal himself. 

He also shared his deep inner work to get to the root causes of chronic depression and substance abuse so he could gradually heal them and create a new lifestyle. Click here to listen.

Adam also wrote a part of his healing journey briefly here.

 

 

Please share this story with people in your circle who may need to hear or read this.

I truly believe this may inspire and strengthen our faith in ourselves to do the same.

 

With love,
Astuti

 

Let me know what you think about this episode via astuti@upliftmylife.today

Copyrights etc.: Music used in this episode: “On My Way” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com). 

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License 

 

#restart #depression #addiction #substanceabuse #shame #guilt  #authenticlife #startover #love #upliftmylifetoday #intentionallife #resilience #mentalhealth #inspiration #transformation #podcast #purpose #peace #iamthepeace #wearethepeace #innerpeace

 

A message from Love: Your heart is not fragile.

 

 

 

Did you ever see an ocean break down?

A dam? Yes. An ocean? No.

 

Our heart field is like an ocean – powerful, deep, vast and expansive. 

You can navigate through and within it yet never control it.

 

Water’s nature is to flow. Even when the ocean feels calm, there is still movement and flow within it. 

The same is with our heart field.

 

We grew up being told and taught that our heart is fragile.

We believed it because we did not know how to work through emotions, intense emotions, and pain.

We believed it because we were stuck in the loops of painful and intense emotions in our bodies that kept playing out like the event was still happening.

 

Our subconscious mind operates in alignment with our beliefs – any belief that is intended to keep us safe. 

When we believe that our heart is fragile, it creates walls to protect our hearts, layer over layer over layer over time. 

It gives us an illusion that we are safer this way when in actuality, it stops us from feeling love, life and alive. 

It hinders the love that anyway will break the walls because it is an expansive and powerful energy.

 

What heartbreak essentially means is not the breaking of the heart. 

It is instead the breaking of the temporary, fragile walls that need to go so you can feel love and be YOU again.

 

Let the walls break down, just like the dam, and let the truth land in your body, heart, and mind: YOU ARE LOVE.

With this truth, learn the skills to move through intense emotions and pain, enjoy the process, and claim the wisdom it offers. 

YOU ARE LOVE.

 

With love,

Astuti

 

#restart #love #authenticlife #startover #love #upliftmylifetoday #intentionallife #resilience #mentalhealth #inspiration #transformation #podcast #purpose #peace #iamthepeace #wearethepeace #innerpeace #humanbeing #beinghuman #innerpeace

 

A message from Rumi: Heartbreak to open your heart

 

 

If you are in pain right now as you read this, I hear you. I feel you.

Keep going through this passage while breathing through the pain.

 

As certain as the storm passes, heartache does too.

Don’t overthink it, not when you are in pain.

Just be with the pain, feel it, breathe it, and it will subside.

 

Then, you will feel the love that has been waiting to flow into your heart.

Let love flows in.

Your heart is wide open now and ready to start healing and expanding.

 

 

Holding the space from here…

 

With love,

Astuti

 

#restart #love #authenticlife #startover #love #upliftmylifetoday #intentionallife #resilience #mentalhealth #inspiration #transformation #podcast #purpose #peace #iamthepeace #wearethepeace #innerpeace #humanbeing #beinghuman #innerpeace

 

A message from Love: I am safe.

 

 

Letting go of toxicity in our life is daunting. This is why many don’t do it until it gets to a point where it is unbearable.

Such difficulty is rooted in the habit of tolerating the situation, the person, the substance, or whatever it is that contributes to the toxicity, little by little for too long, that we become used to it. In severe cases, we become toxic ourselves. 

Until something profound happens to wake us up to this situation. 

 

 

That is usually when love flows into our lives.

Love is safe – even when it shakes us open and awake.

Love reminds us of what can be instead. 

Love opens up paths to what is possible. 

Yet, when this happens, we often feel scared.

 

Be sure that you are clear about what you feel scared of.

Be clear that it is not LOVE that you are scared of, but the breakdown of what is less than love: old habits, mindsets, structure, personality, etc. – all that you’ve built for so long, believing that this was the right thing to do. 

 

The breakdown of your OLD/PAST self brings up fears.

As you have clarity about what you fear, you can face and move through it with focus.

 

 

The truth is love STRENGTHENS and EXPANDS what you have built when it is in alignment with your soul. Even within this movement, we continuously break down a part of us that no longer serves us.

When who and what you are is not in alignment with your soul, love BREAKS it DOWN for you. Usually, it happens like a tornado or earthquake – fast, furious, uninvited, or unexpected.

It comes when your soul calls it in, bypassing your mind!

 

 

The beauty of life is that the Universe is always working with and for you. Keep this perspective as you work through the steps of rebirth or rebuilding.

At the end of the day, your soul is always attracting love because it is love 💖

 

With love,

Astuti

 

#restart #love #authenticlife #startover #love #upliftmylifetoday #intentionallife #resilience #mentalhealth #inspiration #transformation #podcast #purpose #peace #iamthepeace #wearethepeace #innerpeace #humanbeing #beinghuman #innerpeace