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Uplift My Life Today Podcast – Ep. 21 – Let’s demystify SHAME – Nena Martinez

 

(You can also listen to this podcast from iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Breaker, Pocket Casts, and RadioPublic)

 

Don’t I know it.

In my mind, I almost died to realize it.

This was one of gifts that burnout gave me. Burnout brought out so much shame to the surface that I had to face them one-by-one.

 

I was and still am a Go-getter. There is a difference now, however.

 

Before burn out, Go-getter was my identity. I associated all of my self-worth with how much I achieved and grew. I pushed myself internally so much so that I didn’t need anyone from the outside to remind me to do more. I had a lot of people reminded me to slow down and rest instead.

 

After rising from burnout, I associate a smaller portion of who I am (I would not be honest if I say none) with achievements. I still enjoy learning, digging deep and implementing something new to uplift myself. I also still feel so connected with others when I am useful for them.

 

Yet, I also consciously make an effort to be more compassionate towards myself – to be kinder, more caring, more loving, more forgiving. It is a choice that I make on daily basis. Some days are better than others, which I must admit.

 

This is why I choose to bring SHAME as a topic into this podcast episode.

 

I had to face shame (and guilt) as I went on in my transformation process. It was a daunting journey.

Back then, I experienced how shame held me back from transforming.

These days, I witness how shame impacts my clients in the same way too.

 

When the feeling of stuck arises, usually there is shame underneath it.

If you really want to transform, you need to understand and face shame.

 

In this episode, Nena Martinez; who trained with Dr. Brené Brown in helping others understanding their shame triggers; and I are demystifying what shame is, what breeds it, what will happen when we’re not transmuting shame and also some tips on how to do that. We also discuss how it impacts the way we parent.

 

Based in Monterrey, Mexico, Nena facilitates workshops, consultations, and individual sessions where she explores themes like vulnerability, courage, compassion, shame, values, conscious parenting etc.

Take your time listening to this episode. Download it and keep it with you, as you will want to listen to this a number of times. Remember to share it with others too!
 
And most importantly, in it, you will find some tools to use. If you need further support from either Nena or myself, reach out to us.

 

With love,

Astuti

 

 

 

Timestamp:

00:00     Welcome

04:35     What shame is and how it manifests tangibly in our lives. Is shame that bad?

14:15      Can I still achieve and grow without shame?

20:35      What is Shame Resilience process?

24:30      How secrecy, judgment and silence breeds shame. What can dissolve shame.

26:45      What empathy and sympathy is and how they differ.

30:35      The difference between secret and silence. How we can show up in the best way for others who are sharing secrets.  

33:15     The cost of keeping secrets. What to consider before sharing a secret to others.

40:15      How to stop ourselves from judging.

42:10      Is shame facing influenced by culture? What are the costs of not letting shame go?

48:45      Why do we shame our kids so much as parents? What is parenting?

57:00      What we can be more mindful of when doing the role of parents.

1:01:05   Summary

1:02:15   How to get in touch with Nena Martinez and what support she can do for you.                        

Set up an appointment here when you’re ready to face and let go shame. The first 30 minutes coaching is free of charge.

Inputs, questions, feedback or suggestion for topics – write me at astuti@upliftmylife.today. Thanks!

To get in touch with Nena Martinez, connect with her here: Facebook, Instagram and LINKEDIN.

 

#upliftmylifetoday #risefromburnout #intentionallife #overcominginadequacy #intentionalliving #igniteyou #igniteyourlife #livingvulnerability #vulnerability #shame #guilt

 

Copyrights etc.:

Music used in this Episode: “On My Way” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com).

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

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Uplift My Life Today Podcast – Ep. 19 – How vulnerability helps us become better leaders – Nena Martinez

“Is there anyone that does not need to navigate uncertainty and risk on a regular basis? To be alive is to be vulnerable; to be a leader is to be vulnerable every minute of the day.  You don’t get to opt out.”

– Dr. Brené Brown

 

(You can also listen to this podcast from iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Breaker, Pocket Casts, and RadioPublic)

 

What does a strong leadership entail? What’s your thought on that?

 

So many books and leadership theories answer this from many different angles.

I have a fair share of journey discovering what my definition is on this. I reflected it from both the eyes of one being led and one that leads.

 

For me, beyond managing resources in the wisest way possible to achieve the goals, leadership is essentially about empowerment – helping my team believe that they are powerful as they are, they are more than what they already know about themselves and to help them to trust that.

 

It’s about helping them to bridge their minds and their hearts through the allocated responsibilities they’ve agreed to take on.

I never believe that work is just about doing tasks and earning money. It’s more than that.

 

Work takes more than 35% of our breathing time during our productive years. It’s a missed opportunity when we are not using it to grow our heart and soul, in addition to our bank account and our physical wellbeing.

 

Ultimate strong leadership is always being attest during a time of crisis. It’s like a right of passage. One earns a stripe when s/he passes it.

Don’t get me wrong; there is no manual on how to deal with crisis. Mistakes are bound to happen as we face it. Crisis serves us well to accelerate the process of understanding our business and ourselves better.

 

I realize that team members need to feel safe and welcome to offer that to the team or the company. My role as the team leader is to create this safe space for them to do so. 

Safe place is KEY. It is a place where they feel safe to take risks and expose themselves in an intent to support the greater, knowing that they have no control over the outcome.

It’s a place where they choose trust over doubt, so they can be a part of something so much bigger than they individually are.

 

For 2 years, Google did a study on 180 teams to understand what makes the most successful team. They concluded that these teams shared 5 traits:

  1. Dependability
  2. Structure and clarity
  3. Meaning
  4. Impact
  5. Psychological Safety

Thank you, Google, for validating my experience.

Now that we know all this, where we do we start?

 

It starts with us first.

What can help us feeling safe in ourselves as a team leader and how to create that safety for the people we work with?

Join my discussion with Nena Martinez in this new podcast episode about how vulnerability helps us become better leaders.

This is the 2nd part of our 2 parts episode about vulnerability and how it helps us in our lives.

 

 Nena is the first Latin America’s Certified “Daring Way” Facilitator and Case Consultant as well as a Public Speaker.

She trained with Dr. Brené Brown to help herself and others understand their shame triggers, the power of being vulnerable, and living a compassionate and courageous life.

How can she not be courageous when she is also a wife and a mother of 8-year-old triplets in addition to taking on a role to help others?

 

Based in Monterrey, Mexico, Nena facilitates workshops, consultations, and individual sessions where she explores themes like vulnerability, courage, compassion, shame, values, conscious parenting etc.
 
Both Nena and I feel strongly that sharing reflections in a form of stories is powerful.

Have a great time listening, getting ideas and sharing with others!
 
Love,
Astuti

p.s. The previous episode is about how vulnerability can help us overcome a sense of inadequacy.

 

Timestamp:

00:00     Welcome

03:23     How to use our vulnerability in leading others.

11:33     Examples how integrating vulnerability help us to earn more respect from others.

25:45     Symptoms in our behaviour when we operate from a place of love or fear or shame and what we can do about it.

30:10     How vulnerability and burnout strongly correlates.

33:44     What is boundary and having this helps us free ourselves to be authentic.

38:16     Three things you can take away from this episode to help you to become a good manager and leader.

 

Set up an appointment here when you’re ready to integrate vulnerability into your life. The first 30 minutes coaching is free of charge.

Inputs, questions, feedback or suggestion for topics – write me at astuti@upliftmylife.today. Thanks!

To get in touch with Nena Martinez, connect with her here:
 Facebook and Instagram and LINKEDIN.

#upliftmylifetoday #risefromburnout #intentionallife #overcominginadequacy #intentionalliving #igniteyou #igniteyourlife #livingvulnerability #vulnerability #shame #becomingyou #becomingme #becomingaleader

Copyrights etc.:

Music used in this Episode: “On My Way” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com).

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

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Uplift My Life Today Podcast – Ep. 18 – How vulnerability helps overcoming inadequacy – Nena Martinez

 

(You can also listen to this podcast from iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Breaker, Pocket Casts, and RadioPublic)

Once a go-getter, always a go-getter.

Is it true? 

I think this can be true. Having said this, there are many different ways to go and get things done, to grow, to expand.

For many Go-getters, however, vulnerability doesn’t feel like an ally in achieving and growing more. We often believe that brainpower and physical strength suffice. 

That was me, many years ago. 

I grew and achieved relying on my logical mind and physical strength – endurance on both for a long period of time.

Vulnerability was something that I was very uncomfortable with. I didn’t know what it was exactly, but something that I perceived to be an energy drainer.

My mind equated vulnerability with feeling emotions then, and feeling my feelings took a lot of energy and time, that I’d rather spend on doing, taking actions, fixing, and solving something.

During this period, I was confused when anyone would tell me something like “Just be… stop doing”. I remember feeling frustrated for not understanding what “just be,” means.

Then, burnout happened.

Fast forward 2 years after the burnout, my physical body was fit that I started the journey to heal the wounds in my subconscious mind that unconsciously led me to burnout.

I realized during this process what vulnerability is. I wouldn’t be able to heal without allowing my heart to open so I could access what I needed to heal, to let go, to be kind to myself, and to forgive. That was quite a journey to do.

More importantly, I realized that the disconnection between my body, my mind and my soul that got my body to crash down at the end of 2008 was due to my fear to allow myself to be vulnerable.

 

This was the starting point of it all for me.

Many things happened, like a domino effect, after I muted the messages coming from my heart and my body to me during the time of peak growth.

If there is anything I can offer to you today is information about what vulnerability is and how it is actually an ally for all of us, Go-Getters, in showing up as who we choose to be, in a way that is healthy and sustainable.

In these 2 new podcast episodes, I’m joined by Nena Martinez to discuss how vulnerability helps us to overcome a sense of inadequacy (episode 18) and to become better leaders (episode 19).

Nena is the first Latin America’s Certified “Daring Way” Facilitator and Case Consultant as well as a Public Speaker.

She trained with Dr. Brené Brown to help herself and others understand their shame triggers, the power of being vulnerable, and living a compassionate and courageous life.

How can she not be courageous when she is also a wife and a mother of 8-year-old triplets in addition to taking on a role to help others!

Based in Monterrey, Mexico, Nena facilitates workshops, consultations, and individual sessions where she explores themes like vulnerability, courage, compassion, shame, values, conscious parenting etc.
 
Both Nena and I believe in the power of story telling. We hope what we share can help you becoming an UPLIFTED Go-getter that you can be. And please, spread this information further

 
Love,
Astuti

p.s. Episode 19 about how vulnerability can help us become better leaders will come out in 10 days time.

 

Time stamp:

00:00    Welcome

03:40    Introduction and getting to know Nena Martinez, Certified Daring Way Facilitator and Case Consultant, and her journey in living her life integrating vulnerability.

10:45    What is vulnerability? What is NOT vulnerability? How to integrate this into our live.

16:45    Is it important to be mindful about who we allow ourselves to feel vulnerable with? How do I know I choose the right person?

26:05    Practically, what is vulnerability?    

36:10    Is it considered vulnerability if we are keeping our own feelings to ourselves, and not to others?

38:00    How to build up our vulnerability’s muscles – some tips.

41:00    How to differentiate a genuine vulnerability and one that keeping others in a victim role. How do I feel the difference?

 

Set up an appointment here when you’re ready to integrate vulnerability into your life. The first 30 minutes coaching is free of charge.

Inputs, questions, feedback or suggestion for topics – write me at astuti@upliftmylife.today. Thanks!

To get in touch with Nena Martinez, connect with her here:
 Facebook and Instagram and LINKEDIN.

 

#upliftmylifetoday #risefromburnout #intentionallife #overcominginadequacy #intentionalliving #igniteyou #igniteyourlife #livingvulnerability #vulnerability #shame #becomingyou #becomingme #becomingaleader

 

Copyrights etc.:

Music used in this Episode: “On My Way” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com).

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

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