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25 Years Later: What Work Taught Me About Freedom, Love, and Truth

 

25 Years Later:

What Work Taught Me About Freedom, Love, and Truth

 

This year marks a threshold for me:
25 years since I graduated from university and stepped into the world of work.
A quarter century of showing up. Trying. Building. Unraveling. Becoming.

As I reflect, it isn’t only the achievements, titles, or projects that rise to the surface.
It’s the subtle, often invisible lessons that have shaped me – softened and humbled me – through my professional journey.

Work has been one of my greatest teachers.
Not only for what it allowed me to create, but for how it invited me to grow.
It called me back, again and again, to my own freedom and authentic self.

If I could gather the essence of these years into a few living truths, they would sound like this:

Work is not my identity; it is an expression of my being

In the beginning, I believed that my worth could be earned:
Through how much I could give.
Through how well I could perform.
Through how far I could stretch myself for others.

Restlessness lived beneath my drive.
Comfort felt unsafe. Familiarity made me feel weary.
I needed stretch goals because stillness triggered a quiet guilt in me.

But over time, I realized:
Work is not who I am.
It is how I express the essence of who I am becoming.

Freedom is an inner landscape, not a reward for effort

For years, I carried an urgency inside me : A push to grow. Achieve. Arrive “on time”.
I feared being too late for my calling, my success, my destiny.

I was my toughest boss. Far tougher than any I had in my external workplaces.

However, I learned that true freedom came when I softened into trust:
Trust in life’s rhythm and cycle. Just like the season of trees losing their leaves and snakes shading their skin, when it is my time to transform, I need to surrender to the process and timing.
Trust in my soul’s pace.
Trust in the knowing that I was never being measured by a clock.

I was always unfolding in my perfect time. I have my own Divine timing for everything.

I am here to receive provision in freedom within my authenticity 

I once believed I had to give before I could receive.

This was one of my deepest wounds – inherited, lived, and repeated:
The belief that I must prove my value before being supported.
That I had to work first… then be provided for.
That I could only receive when I’d already given.

This distorted programming made me overextend.
It placed pressure on my body, my nervous system, and my trust in life.
It shaped how I related to others, to work, to rest, and to Source.

Finally, something in me broke free and I now see:
Provision is not a transaction.
It is a birthright.
I am not here to earn love, safety, or support.
I am here to receive them – in freedom – as I live in my truth/authenticity.

Money is about safety – not about worth or love

For a long time, I had no relationship with money, even when I needed it to live.
I didn’t trust it. I didn’t want to depend on it.
I didn’t believe it had anything to do with my values – because it didn’t.

But over time, I came to see that money is not the enemy.
It is not a mirror of my worth.
It is not a substitute for love either.

It is one of the many ways safety can arrive in my physical form.
When held with integrity, money becomes a neutral – even sacred – energy.
It is a resource that supports my nervous system to soften, rest, and create from a place of fullness.

Money is not about who I am.
It is simply one of many ways life flows toward me.

Authenticity moves hearts more than striving ever could

The feedbacks that stay with me the most in all these years are not about my output.
It’s about my presence.

When I resigned from the Bank – unexpectedly, at least to others – my HR manager said, “I knew something was up just by observing you in meetings. You weren’t your usual self for some time”.

His words stayed with me.
They reminded me: Impact doesn’t begin with doing. It begins with being.

Authenticity creates connections.
It speaks louder than performance.
It carries a frequency that striving never can.

Burnout was a sacred threshold, not a failure

Seventeen years ago, deep physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion cracked me open.
It felt like a collapse at the time.

Now, I see it for what it was: A portal. A breaking open. A holy pause.

It was the invitation to lay down the burden of trying to earn safety.
Through over-giving.
Through relentless doing.
Through self-abandonment.

Burnout was not the end.
It was the moment I was called back to myself.

True success is living joyfully in alignment with my soul

True success for me is not applause.
It is not just productivity and achievement.
It is not how many people I manage or help, or how well I’m seen.

It is peace in my heart.
Softness and depth in my breath.
Most deeply, the quiet embodiment that being who I am has always been enough.

Today, I continue to work.
Not to prove my worth.
Not to justify my dreams.
Not to belong.

I work from a different place now.
Work is no longer a test of how far I’ve come or can go.
It is a celebration of the essence that lives within me: Overflowing. Rooted. Free. 

If my younger self could see me now, I think she would smile and exhale, finally feeling safe to just be.

Whispers from my heart to yours

I offer this reflection to you, who are walking your own unique path of becoming.

Whether you’re a soul who has carried the weight of others for too long or one who has burned so much trying to arrive “on time”.

For a whisper only your heart can hear, may you remember:
You are unfolding in your own perfect rhythm.
May your work be an expression of your essence – not a measurement of your worth.
May your life feel like home.
May your breath feel like freedom.

If this reflection stirred something in you, I would be honored to hear your reflections.
You are always welcome to write to me, whenever your heart feels called.

With love,

Astuti

💛💜

 

“May the remembrance within you bloom in perfect time.”

 

P.S. Ready to live your true wealth? Explore Authentic Wealth Embodiment (AWE) here: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/the-authentic-wealth-embodiment-program

Click here for a free discovery call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

Go here to find out more about her self-paced online programs: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

 

#LifeCoach #SubconsciousReprogramming #Transformation #UpliftMyLifeToday #AWE #LoveWins #AuthenticWealth #Authentic #Love #UnconditionalLove #UnconditionalSelfLove #SoulfulSexuality #Authenticity #Freedom #Belonging #Wealth #Money #Embodiment #AncestralTrauma #SystemicHealing #Selflove #AstutiMartosudirdjo#Inspiration #Podcast #UpliftingStory

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Living the sovereignty of patience

 

Living the Sovereignty of Patience

A transmission on timing, truth, and the power to move when it is time

 

The ache of being asked to wait

Be patient, they say.
When you’ve poured your heart out and heard nothing back.
When someone you love is unsure.
When a job interview goes silent.
When your body aches but healing takes time.
When the life you long for hasn’t arrived yet and you’re not sure if it will.

 

You try. You wait.

But, something inside you whispers…
This is not just waiting. This is something else.

For the first time, you wonder “Is this patience… or have I simply learned to stay still and put even when something or someone I wait for no longer meets me?”

What patience is not and what it truly is

Most of us were taught that being patient meant being good.
Sit still. Stay put.
Don’t complain.
Wait your turn.
Trust that it will all work out even if nothing changes.

We learned to stay quiet, even when we needed answers.
We stayed loyal, even when the direction had already shifted, not through words, but through absence, hesitation, or delay.
Even when the commitment was no longer alive, we kept showing up, hoping it would come back.

We didn’t want to seem difficult, or demanding, or ungrateful.

So…we waited because we were afraid to move.

We called that patience.

The fact is, this kind of patience is not presence.
It is tension in disguise.
It looks steady from the outside.

Inside however, we are holding back, holding on, holding our breaths.

We learned to wait like this because it once felt safer than being left behind.
It is because moving forward without certainty felt like too much to risk.

We stayed, and waited, and called it love, or loyalty, or faith, hoping it would keep us safe.

The truth is, real patience is not about putting our life on hold or dimming our voice while we wait for something to change.

Real patience is not:

  • Waiting for someone or something that’s no longer meeting us
  • Enduring silence and calling it trust
  • Staying in the same place because we don’t want to hurt anyone
  • Shrinking or slowing down our pace because someone else is not ready
  • Hoping things will change without checking if they’re still true

These aren’t signs of strength.
They’re signs that something in we have gone quiet because of the fear of uncertainy.

Real patience is steady and not stuck.
It is alive.
It knows when to breathe… and when to move.
It knows the difference between a pause that protects and a pause that drains.

True patience doesn’t ask us to wait endlessly.
It asks us to stay present:
present with our truth,
present with the moment,
present with ourselves.

Patience is not a waiting room.
Patience is a practice of noticing what is still aligned and what quietly is not anymore.

What true patience feels like when you’re aligned

When patience is rooted in alignment, it doesn’t feel like waiting.
It feels like living in your own timing  – grounded, present, and unhurried.

It is calm but not frozen.
It is still  but not shut down.

You can feel life moving, even when nothing has physically changed yet.

You’re not anxiously checking for updates, but you’re not pretending not to care either.

You’re present and honest with where things actually are.

True patience feels like:

  • Breathing fully, even in the unknown
  • Trusting your pace without trying to match someone else’s
  • Staying open without chasing
  • Holding space without abandoning yourself
  • Moving when it is time without waiting for permission

It is the knowing that you are still in your power, even when the outcome is unclear.
True patience is the difference between delaying your life and honoring your timing.

When patience is true, your mind is not spinning for answers. It is clear enough to be still.
Your heart is not grasping. It is steady, even if tender.
There is space inside you, not pressure.
And in that space, you can hear what is yours to do… and what is not.

Real patience feels like a steady inner signal:
“I’m here. I’m listening. I’ll move when it is time”

The moment you know it is time to move

Sometimes the most honest thing patience can do is end.

Not always with a dramatic goodbye.
But with a quiet clarity: “This is no longer true for me”

It doesn’t always come with warning.
It doesn’t always come with full closure, either.
But it does come with peace because your body stops holding its breath.
Then, you stop trying to stay where life no longer meets you.

You don’t need a reason that satisfies everyone.

You just feel the moment:

  • when the commitment is no longer mutual
  • when the silence no longer feels sacred
  • when your loyalty starts costing you your aliveness
  • when staying would mean leaving yourself

And before you move your body, you breathe differently.
It is the breath that reconnects you to yourself.

That one breath is the beginning.
The quiet leap.
The signal that you are no longer willing to delay your life for something that is not meeting you.

You don’t need a full plan to choose to move.
You only need one breath that tells the truth and the willingness to follow it.

When you move in alignment, you are no longer waiting.
You are living.
And in that living, you make space for what is truly meant for you to arrive.

Living the sovereignty of patience

Let these truths settle in you now as something to remember.

This is not a new concept to adopt. Instead, it is a return to how your body already knows.

Receive these as you read slowly and breathe them into your bones.

“You are allowed to stop waiting where waiting has become heavy.
You are allowed to move when the moment no longer mirrors your devotion.
You are allowed to stay in your own pace without apology.

Sovereign patience feels different.
It is not about how long you wait.
It is about how honestly you live inside each moment.

You no longer use stillness to prove your goodness.
You no longer shrink your life to avoid disappointing others.
You no longer abandon your knowing for the sake of being “patient”.

Instead, you become steady in your timing.
You feel what is true and you trust that feeling.
You let go of the wait when clarity arrives because you’re staying honest, not giving up.

You’re not afraid of the pause anymore because you know the difference between a pause that nourishes and a pause that drains.

You no longer wait from fear.
You move from knowing. And in that knowing, you breathe more easily.

You take up your full space again.
You create room for what can actually meet you fully, presently, and without delay.

You don’t rush.
You don’t shrink.
You simply live in your own time.

This is the sovereignty of patience”

Reflection invitations

  • Where in your life have you been calling something patience… but it no longer feels aligned?
  • What would shift if you trusted your own timing more than someone else’s pace?
  • What truth has been quietly asking you to move and are you ready to listen?

Whispers from my heart to yours

May you feel the breath that changes everything.
May you stop calling waiting a virtue when it costs you your peace.
May you move from the truth your body already knows.

May your timing be your own.
May your clarity be enough.
May your life meet you where you truly are.

If your body wishes to embody this truth more deeply, there is an audio transmission waiting for you.
It is a guided companion to help you remember how aligned patience sounds, feels, and moves through your nervous system.

Go here to access it via podcast (no sign in required)  https://open.spotify.com/episode/1Q7BEfUEviDXsUNCIFYMNg?si=l6Xzp_LVT1OQLJlCH6aIkQ

or on my online Sanctuary of Wholeness: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/sovereigntyofpatience

This is my gift to you. If you feel moved to offer a gift in return, you may do so from the same place this transmission lives: truth and love. You are welcome to do so through here: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/AstutiM

With love,

Astuti

💛💜

 

 

 

“May the remembrance within you bloom in perfect time.”

 

P.S. Ready to live your true wealth? Explore Authentic Wealth Embodiment (AWE) here: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/the-authentic-wealth-embodiment-program

Click here for a free discovery call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

Go here to find out more about her self-paced online programs: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

 

#LifeCoach #SubconsciousReprogramming #Transformation #UpliftMyLifeToday #AWE #LoveWins #AuthenticWealth #Authentic #Love #UnconditionalLove #UnconditionalSelfLove #SoulfulSexuality #Authenticity #Freedom #Belonging #Wealth #Money #Embodiment #AncestralTrauma #SystemicHealing #Selflove #AstutiMartosudirdjo#Inspiration #Podcast #UpliftingStory

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When Your Inner Voices Speak, Your Body Listens

 

When Your Inner Voices Speak, Your Body Listens

 

We often think of the body as something we “manage” – exercising, fuelling, resting.


But your body is far more than a machine. It’s a living mirror of your inner world.

Every time your mind, heart or soul speaks, your body responds.

Sometimes it’s in subtle ways: a clenched jaw, a restless leg, or a sudden warmth in the chest.

Other times, it’s unmistakable: tears with no story, goosebumps of truth, or a peace that doesn’t make sense.

Your body doesn’t just listen.

It translates your inner voices into sensations, signals, and patterns you can notice.

Why this matters in life, especially during transformation 

Understanding the messages from your mind, heart, body, and soul is not a luxury.

It’s a necessity, especially during times of transformation.

Change often brings confusion, resistance, and inner conflict.

Your mind might overthink, your heart might ache, your body might tense, and your soul might whisper truths you don’t yet understand.

If you don’t recognise which voice is speaking, it’s easy to feel lost or stuck.

And when these signals are ignored, the cost is high:

  • Burnout from pushing through the mind’s distortions.
  • Emotional shutdown from a heart that isn’t heard.
  • Chronic stress in the body that silently accumulates.
  • A sense of hollowness when the soul’s wisdom goes unanswered.

This is how old patterns repeat, even when we long for change.

When you can discern the authentic signals from the distorted ones, you begin to navigate transformation with clarity and trust.

You stop fighting yourself and start walking alongside your own inner guidance.

This is what allows real, lasting change to take root.

Authentic vs. Distorted: why it matters

One of the most important distinctions I share in this guide is between authentic expression and distorted patterns.

Authentic means your system is aligned with your truth. You feel grounded, clear, and at home within yourself – even in hard moments.

Distorted means your body is still trying to protect you, but from a place shaped by fear, pressure, or past wounds. It can feel tight, foggy, or disconnected.

Neither is wrong. Both are invitations.

Distortion isn’t failure.

It’s simply your body asking you to return to what’s true and authentic to you.

Why I created this guide

I created How Your Body Speaks When Your Inner Voices Speak as a practical tool for you to:

  • Recognize when your mind is in overdrive versus when it’s clear.
  • Notice how your heart opens authentically versus when it collapses in longing.
  • Listen for the quiet signals of your soul and discern them from disconnection.
  • Begin to walk the path of your authentic truth in real time.

It’s not about silencing any part of you.

It’s about letting your inner voices cooperate instead of competing so you can live with more unity, clarity, and power.

Download the Full Guide

I’ve made the full PDF available for you in my online sanctuary.

👉 Access How Your Body Speaks When Your Inner Voices Speak here: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/howyourbodyspeaks

You’ll be asked to sign in. This is simply so you can receive the guide within a safe, dedicated space where all my resources live.

Once you enter, the guide is yours to download and explore anytime.

I invite you to spend time with it slowly. Notice which sections resonate most with your current season of life.

Your body has always been speaking. Will you listen now? 

With love,
Astuti

💛💜

 

 

 

“May the remembrance within you bloom in perfect time.”

 

P.S. Ready to live your true wealth? Explore Authentic Wealth Embodiment (AWE) here: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/the-authentic-wealth-embodiment-program

Click here for a free discovery call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

Go here to find out more about her self-paced online programs: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

 

#LifeCoach #SubconsciousReprogramming #Transformation #UpliftMyLifeToday #AWE #LoveWins #AuthenticWealth #Authentic #Love #UnconditionalLove #UnconditionalSelfLove #SoulfulSexuality #Authenticity #Freedom #Belonging #Wealth #Money #Embodiment #AncestralTrauma #SystemicHealing #Selflove #AstutiMartosudirdjo#Inspiration #Podcast #UpliftingStory

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When Love Costs Life

When Love Costs Life:

Healing The Hidden Wound In Parenting And Leadership

 

My invitation:

This is not a piece to read with your mind alone.
It is a remembrance to be felt with your whole being.
Let your breath slow. Let your body listen.
Let what resonates rise, and what doesn’t fall away.

You are here to meet what is true for you – in your own time, in your own way.

It’s common to hear people say,
“I live for my children”.
“Everything I do is for them”.

While the devotion is beautiful, it reveals something deeper: a belief that love must come through sacrifice.
That to be a good parent, leader, or guide, one must give everything – even at the cost of oneself.

But is that truly love?
Or is it a pattern that keeps us from showing the next generation what life could really be?

Love is a word we often misplace.

Many actions driven by fear, control, guilt, obligation, or even unhealed trauma are wrapped in the label of “love”.

When the label is misplaced, it creates confusion.
It teaches children and adults that love equals control.
That love equals self-abandonment.
That love demands sacrifice.

But real love is different.

Real love fuels life.
It expands.
It liberates.
It honors sovereignty.

What is love, really?

Love is not just a feeling, though it can be felt.
Love is not just a presence, though it can be sensed.
Love is not just a choice, though it asks to be chosen.

Love is a frequency. A living current.
It flows naturally when the truth of your being is allowed to exist.
It is what you return to when nothing is forced, fixed, or feared.

Love is the natural state of what remains when fear is gone.
It is not manufactured.
It is revealed.

You know it is love when:

  • You feel safe to be fully yourself.
  • You are not asked to shrink, betray, or abandon yourself to belong.
  • There is no game. No transaction.
  • You are seen without being managed.
  • You are honored even when you are different.
  • You expand in their presence, not disappear.
  • There is freedom in the bond, not fear of loss.

Love maybe messy and challenging, but it is clean.
It may bring up wounds, but it does not become the wound.
It invites healing, not reenactment.
It breathes truth, not distortion.

Love is not intensity.
Intensity can come from chaos, drama, or trauma.
Love – real love – is spacious.
It has depth without overwhelm.
Clarity without control.
Passion without possession.

Love is not just something we feel.
It is something we become.
When people become it, there is no need to prove it.

How can we tell when “love” is misplaced?

Here are a few simple self-check questions:

  • Does this action come from expansion or contraction? (Love expands. Fear contracts.)
  • Am I honoring my own truth, or abandoning myself to be accepted or needed?
  • Am I trying to control an outcome because I’m afraid of loss or rejection?
  • Would I still choose this if there were no guilt, fear, or expectation involved?
  • Is this about truly seeing and supporting the other person or about fulfilling my own unhealed needs?

When we pause and ask ourselves these questions, we begin to see clearly.
True love does not diminish life. It breathes life into us.

True love says:
“I want to see you fully alive, even if that means you choose differently than I would”.

The high cost of smallness

When a parent erases themselves for their child, the child often grows up carrying invisible burdens:

  • Feeling responsible for their parent’s happiness.
  • Believing that thriving comes at the cost of someone else’s well-being.
  • Learning that love equals self-abandonment.
  • Shrinking themselves to stay safe or belong.

Very often, children unconsciously self-sabotage their own success, happiness, or authenticity out of loyalty to their parents’ patterns.
It becomes an unspoken contract: “If you couldn’t live fully, I won’t either”.
“If you stayed small for me, I’ll stay small for you”.

This misplaced loyalty is not love.
It is a distortion that keeps generation after generation trapped in cycles of limitation.

We must stop hiding behind our children as an excuse for our own smallness.

Choosing vitality, wholeness, and freedom is not selfish.

It is leadership. It is the breaking of an invisible chain.

This smallness is expensive.

It costs us mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

It robs us of vitality, joy, and true connection – not just individually, but across entire family lines.

The price is too high.

Authenticity is the real inheritance

The real wealth we can pass on is not financial security alone.
The real wealth is existence based on authenticity; living truths.

A parent (or leader, or mentor) who chooses to live fully – who says yes to their own truth, health, dreams, and beingness – is a living proof to their child (and their members):

  • It’s safe to exist.
  • It’s safe to be whole.
  • It’s safe to thrive without guilt.

When we live authentically, we model a life where love and life are not in opposition.

We break the old contract that says “I must die inside so you can live”.
Instead, we birth a new one: “I will live fully, and in doing so, show you that you can too”.

An invitations to parents and to all of us

If you’re a parent, remember:
Your life is not a debt to be paid. Your life is a gift to be lived.

To the rest of us, remember:
You are still shaping the world the next generation will inherit.


The more you embody your authentic self, the more space you create for the next generation to do the same.

We don’t need more martyrs.
We need more living, breathing, sovereign souls who show that life itself is sacred.

When love costs our vitality, it is no longer love.
When love fuels our life, it becomes an endless source of freedom.

Reflection questions:

  • Where have I inherited the belief that love must equal sacrifice or smallness?
  • In what ways have I unconsciously stayed small out of loyalty to my parents’ or ancestors’ patterns?
  • What has it already cost me – mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually – to stay small?
  • What would change if I declared my existence sacred and chose to live fully, without guilt?
  • What true wealth could I create and pass forward if I embodied my authentic self now?

At the heart of our existence – beneath the work, the parenting, the choices, the longing – is the call to come home to love.
It is the one truth beneath all wars and all healing.

The absence of love fractures us.
The presence of love restores us.

When love is real and alive, it fuels more than money ever could, reaches further than status ever will, and heals deeper than power ever has.

This transmission is not a demand to believe, but an invitation to be received.
May you meet this transmission in a way that is true to you.
Let it speak to what is ready. Let it pass by what is not.

You may also receive this as an audio transmission – voiced in my own breath and rhythm, and infused with 528 Hz – the frequency of love, restoration, and remembrance.
Let this truth not only be read, but felt. Heard. Received by your body.

Listen on Spotify (no sign-in required) or here (to be able to download the audio file) https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/whenlovecostslife

This is a gift. You may receive it freely. If you feel moved to offer something in return, you’re welcome to make a donation in the amount that feels true for you here.

 

May the love you remember – and become – be the most powerful legacy you offer the world 💛💜

With love,
Astuti

 

 

 

“May the remembrance within you bloom in perfect time.”

 

P.S. Ready to live your true wealth? Explore Authentic Wealth Embodiment (AWE) here: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/the-authentic-wealth-embodiment-program

Click here for a free discovery call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

Go here to find out more about her self-paced online programs: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

 

#LifeCoach #SubconsciousReprogramming #Transformation #UpliftMyLifeToday #AWE #LoveWins #AuthenticWealth #Authentic #Love #UnconditionalLove #UnconditionalSelfLove #SoulfulSexuality #Authenticity #Freedom #Belonging #Wealth #Money #Embodiment #AncestralTrauma #SystemicHealing #Selflove #AstutiMartosudirdjo#Inspiration #Podcast #UpliftingStory

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At The Threshold

At The Threshold Podcast series

 

You may not need more information.
You may simply need more space:
To breathe.
To feel.
To let go of what’s not true and start living what is.

 

“At The Threshold” is my new podcast series –  a collection of spoken transmissions for the quiet moments when you’re ready to start living in alignment with who you really are.

 

These are the same transmissions already housed in my online sanctuary:
🔗 https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

 

The difference?
You can now access them without signing in, committing, or choosing a path.
Just come and listen when your body is ready.

 

The first two episodes are now live:

You’re meant to be here right now
https://open.spotify.com/episode/0gAjwM2NOjW5FpwzyfSsaS?si=gHi21MlYTMugr6ZZsJyuZA

From Anger to Sovereignty
https://open.spotify.com/episode/0PGmTM0qxxaXrjDCBUgqkV?si=qyZlZga9TY2sIM_gfsS-HA

 

These are frequency-based transmissions, designed to land in the body, not just the mind.

Please listen in a private space where you won’t be interrupted.
Don’t listen while driving or multitasking.

 

Just come as you are.
Breathe.
Receive.

 

This transmission is offered with love. It’s here for you, whenever your heart is ready to meet it 💛💜

With love,

Astuti

P.s. Please share this with someone in your circles who would breathe deeper remembering themselves within this perspective. Thank you!

 

“May the remembrance within you bloom in perfect time.”

 

Click here for a free discovery call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

Go here to find out more about her self-paced online programs: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

 

#LifeCoach #SubconsciousReprogramming #Transformation #UpliftMyLifeToday #AWE #LoveWins #AuthenticWealth #Authentic #Love #UnconditionalLove #UnconditionalSelfLove #SoulfulSexuality #Authenticity #Freedom #Belonging #Wealth #Money #Embodiment #AncestralTrauma #SystemicHealing #Selflove #AstutiMartosudirdjo#Inspiration #Podcast #UpliftingStory

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From Anger to Sovereignty

From Anger to Sovereignty

A living transmission to reclaim the power you once hid to survive

 

My invitation as you receive this transmission:
Take a deep breath. Feel it.
Let your heart be present. Let your body breathe this in.
Let it meet you wherever you are.

Most of us have misunderstood anger.

We were taught that feeling anger means losing control. To be unsafe. To be wrong. To be a bad person.

As a child, I often got angry.
The fire I carry now lived in me then – full, alive, and often misunderstood.

What no one understood was this:
I wasn’t angry because I was bad.
I was angry because I sensed dissonance all around me.

I could feel when something didn’t match:

When words said one thing, but energy said another.
When love came with silence, pressure, conditions or expectations that I wasn’t always allowed to question.

I didn’t have the language for it yet… but my body knew something wasn’t right.

When I expressed that fire, it wasn’t welcomed.
My parents didn’t know what to do with it.
They couldn’t meet me there because they didn’t know how to hold what they themselves had long buried. Even when they loved me.

So over time, I buried it too.
I told myself: “You’re not allowed to be angry at the people you love. Or anyone who gives you love”.
That meant my parents. My grandparents. My teachers. Especially God.
And so, most of the time… I turned the anger inward.
It didn’t just live in my thoughts. It lived in my body.
As a child, it showed up as high blood pressure – a pressure no one could see, but I was carrying all the time.
It softened only years later, after I moved to Switzerland at 27.

The truth is anger always exists, and it is a part of human experience.

It needs to be felt and move through us.

I just didn’t know how to flow with it until I went deeper into my transformation journey. The dragon in me woke up a couple of times, and it was an intense experience.

The beauty of my “inner dragon” awakening is the realisation that I had: “What if anger is not breaking me? What if it’s what brings me back whole?”.

This written transmission was born out of this beautiful and powerful realisation, one that I regard as the truth about something that has been so distorted and misunderstood.

Anger as I know it now

This is how I honour anger today.

Anger is a strength. It is not a matter of immaturity, dysfunction, or even an emotion to transcend.

Anger is a guardian. It is a signal that our essence has been compromised.

It is the part of us that refuses to go numb when our “yes” is stolen or our “no” is ignored or dismissed.

Anger is memory. It remembers where the violation occurred, in your body, in your bloodline, in your system.
The anger that rises in you now is not just yours; it is the generational scream of every woman, every man, every child, every soul who was taught that being “good” and “belonging” meant being quiet, keeping your head down, and swallowing your emotions.

However, I also experienced and witnessed that not all anger is sacred.
I witnessed that the anger that explodes from unprocessed pain and trauma still causes harm.

The truth is the anger that rises after the silence, after the grief, after the death of pretending is a true anger.

It exists not to burn down the world, but to burn down the lie.

The forgotten blueprint of anger

Anger was never designed to destroy indiscriminately.
It was designed to interrupt distortion.

Where grief opens the space, anger enters to protect it.
To guard what is sacred.
To disrupt what is false.
To realign what has strayed from truth.

In the original blueprint, anger had a purifying function:
It was what rose the moment something sovereign was about to be crossed – the part of you that stood rooted, unshakable, and said with full clarity: Not here. Not now. Not ever.

It was never meant to be personal.
It was never meant to be weaponised.
It was meant to be the immune response of a conscious being living in alignment with truth.

The two faces of anger

Before we go further, we need to name something clearly.

Not all anger is the same in nature.
There is true anger and there is distorted anger.

True anger rises from clarity.
It honors boundaries. It restores truth.

Distorted anger rises from unprocessed pain.
It reacts, explodes, and often repeats harm.

This distinction matters because when we don’t know what kind of anger is moving through us, we risk misusing our fire.

We either suppress it entirely, or we let it leak, loop, and lash out.

To truly reclaim anger as a force of sovereignty, we must learn to recognise what is true and what is distortion.

Distorted Anger vs. True Anger

Distorted Anger is:

  • Reactive, erratic, explosive
  • Rooted in powerlessness
  • Fueled by shame and unprocessed trauma
  • Easily provoked, easily exploited
  • Used by systems to keep people fighting each other
  • Loud, confused, looping

True Anger is:

  • Clear, calm, grounded
  • Rooted in sovereignty
  • Anchored in truth, not pain
  • Seeks realignment, not punishment
  • Cannot be manipulated
  • Ends patterns, purifies field
  • Feared by systems because it cannot be used

True anger is directive, sovereign, piercing, the opposite of chaos.
It doesn’t shout. It sees.

This is why naming the difference matters.
Distorted anger drains you. True anger restores you.
One keeps you reactive, the other returns you to sovereignty.

Anger as a system disruptor

Contrary to the deep programming in the human psyche, anger is not what breaks society. Distortion is.
Suppressed anger is the very reason distortion survives.

How come? Because true anger dismantles what false peace protects.

Every system that demands obedience – e.g. religious, political, educational, even spiritual – requires your anger to be disabled.

Why?

Because when true anger is awake:

  • People-pleasing collapses
  • Silence becomes unbearable
  • False safety is refused
  • Systems built on compliance begin to tremble

You cannot be controlled or manipulated once you remember your fire.

 

This is why wars continue.

Because righteous anger – anger born from truth, not pain – was never allowed to complete its sacred cycle:

Violation → Awareness → Anger → Clarity → Realignment → Peace

This is how anger is meant to move:
It rises when a boundary is crossed.
It brings awareness to the violation.
It fuels the clarity to act, and restores alignment – within and without.
This is anger as a purifier, not a destroyer.

The fact of the matter is most people never reach that clarity.
It’s because they’ve been conditioned to suppress anger at the very first spark.

Instead, they become trapped in a different cycle –  a loop that keeps pain alive:

Violation → Suppression → Confusion → Projection → Explosion → Shame → Suppression again

This is what happens when anger is buried instead of felt.

It doesn’t disappear. It distorts.
It warps the nervous system, clouds the mind, and twists your truth until you no longer trust it.
Then it seeps through as resentment, passive aggression, blame, or explosive reactions that don’t match the moment.
It becomes harder to discern what’s real because the distortion lives beneath everything you say and do.

This is why the world doesn’t fear rage. It feeds on it.
Rage can be used, provoked, televised, politicised, and monetised.

True anger?

It cannot be manipulated.
True anger does not fight for validation.
It cuts the cord and walks out clean.
From the system.
From the spell.
From the lie.
And that… that is what every distorted structure fears the most.

Anger, Power, and Sovereignty

You cannot access your true power without reclaiming your anger.

It’s because anger is the threshold guardian of power.
It tells you: “You matter. Your truth matters. What you allow matters”.

Suppressed anger turns power into:

  • Compliance
  • Pretending
  • Posturing
  • Pleasing
  • Projection
  • Protection

You start to look powerful but feel hollow.
You begin to call submission “peace”.
And soon, you forget what clean and true power even feels like.

When anger is restored, you reclaim your spine, your boundaries, your choice.

Anger informs the boundary.
Power enforces the boundary.
Sovereignty lives within the boundary.

True anger makes your life non-negotiable to your own soul.

Anger in relationships and community

In trauma-bonded, manipulative, or codependent dynamics, we are often taught that love means:

  • Silence to keep the peace
  • Sacrifice to be worthy
  • Merging instead of meeting in sovereignty
  • Forgiving without accountability

This is not love.
It is survival posing as intimacy.

True anger brings us back to clarity:

“If I must disappear to be loved, this is not love”.
“If I must betray myself to belong, this is not belonging”.

True anger restores:

  • Truth-telling without cruelty
  • Boundaries without guilt
  • Presence without pretending, projecting, pleasing
  • Union without merging
  • Separation without shame

In healthy community, anger is not exiled.
It is welcomed as sacred signal.
It brings people back from illusion to integrity.
It exposes where we’ve drifted.

True anger does not sever connection – it restores it.
It opens the door to connection that is no longer based on distortion, fear, or self-abandonment.

The Return

Before you continue, take a breath.

Affirm your decision to receive.
Let this next part meet you in your body. Read it slowly and breathe each line into your bones.

“You do not need to master or control your anger.
You do not need to tame it, silence it, or make it palatable.

You need only remember:
It was never here to hurt you.
It was here to protect what is sovereign inside you.

Your anger is not a flaw.
It is a signal.
A memory.
A wake-up call.

It rises when something has gone missing:
Truth.
Integrity.
Self.

And, anger stays until you return to them.

So let anger move through you now in recognition and clarity.
Let it light your spine.
Let it clear the fog.
Let it whisper what the world tried to make you forget:

You are not too much.
There is nothing wrong with you.
You are remembering what was always yours”.

 

Let this remembering be enough for now.

When you’re ready to feel your anger in the body, this 19-minute audio transmission is here to support you: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/fromangertosovereignty

It guides you to meet your anger safely, clearly, and without shame so it can move, speak, and free the life force it’s been holding.

This is a gift. You may receive it freely.
If you feel moved to offer something in return, you’re welcome to make a donation in the amount that feels true for you.

This transmission is offered with love. It’s here for you, whenever your heart is ready to meet it 💛💜

With love,

Astuti

P.s. Please share this with someone in your circles who would breathe deeper remembering themselves within this perspective. Thank you!

 

“May the remembrance within you bloom in perfect time.”

 

Click here for a free discovery call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

Go here to find out more about her self-paced online programs: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

 

#LifeCoach #SubconsciousReprogramming #Transformation #UpliftMyLifeToday #AWE #LoveWins #AuthenticWealth #Authentic #Love #UnconditionalLove #UnconditionalSelfLove #SoulfulSexuality #Authenticity #Freedom #Belonging #Wealth #Money #Embodiment #AncestralTrauma #SystemicHealing #Selflove #AstutiMartosudirdjo#Inspiration #Podcast #UpliftingStory

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The Guilt From Knowing

The Guilt That Comes From Knowing
A living transmission for those who mistake silence for safety and loyalty for self-abandonment

 

 My invitation as you receive this transmission:
Take a deep breath. Feel it.
Let your heart be present. Let your body breathe this in.
Let it meet you wherever you are.

The guilt that doesn’t come from doing wrong

There is a kind of guilt that doesn’t come from doing something wrong.
It comes from knowing and not acting.
From feeling truth in your bones and staying quiet, because you thought silence was safer than being seen.

When my body heard the truth before I could name it

For as long as I can remember, I’ve “heard” things people don’t say out loud.
Underneath their words, I can feel what’s not being said.

Sometimes it comes as pressure in my chest.
Sometimes it’s a tightness in my gut.
Sometimes it’s so strong my body wants to cry before my mind even knows why.

It happens when others or friends speak about their lives.
About their relationships.
Even about me.
They might say, “I’m really happy for you” but I feel the tightness behind it – the tension, the resentment, the ache they’re not naming.

They might say, “It’s not a big deal” but I can feel their nervous system screaming underneath.

 

In the past, I didn’t trust this knowing.

I told myself I was overreacting.

I told myself many things:

“Don’t make it about you”.
“They didn’t say anything wrong –maybe it’s just you”.
“Be gracious. Let it go”.
“If you say something, you’ll ruin the moment”.
“You’re just being too intense”.
“You always feel too much. Stop reading into things”.
“This isn’t the time. Don’t make things uncomfortable”.
“You should be able to hold space without needing to say what you feel”.
“Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it’s none of my business. Maybe it’s just my imagination”.

So I stayed quiet. Often.

Even when my body was pulsing.
Even when my breath shortened and my stomach turned.
Even when my entire system was screaming: “What is truly going on?”.

Then the guilt would come…for saying nothing at all. 

Each time I dismissed my own knowing, I felt myself leave, just a little.
A quiet departure from my core.
A soft turning away from my center.
The reason for that is not to intentionally betray anyone, but to stay lovable. Connected. Accepted. Safe.

The truth is, though, the cost for this was real and significant.
The more I stayed quiet to protect the moment… the more I disappeared from myself.

How guilt becomes a body memory

This kind of guilt doesn’t live in the mind.
It lives in the energy body.

It’s not just about what you didn’t say, it’s about the moment you left yourself to protect someone else’s comfort.

It forms when your system registers truth but suppresses expression for the sake of safety, harmony, or love.
Not just words unsaid but presence withdrawn.

It’s a nervous system response.
It’s a soul-level strategy.
It’s an energetic contract that says:
“If I stay fully herewith what I know, with what I feel – I will be left. So I will leave myself first.”

Your body obeys your choice – lovingly, protectively.
It tightens. It flattens. It folds in on itself.
It does that because you once believed this was the only way to belong.

But then, what happens?

The guilt continues to build.
Not from action, but from absence.

You were there… but not with yourself.

Until the moment comes when the cost of leaving yourself becomes heavier than the fear of being left.

That’s when remembering begins.

The everyday moments that leave a mark

You may have felt it after a conversation where you said nothing but your whole body was screaming.

Your shoulders locked. Your stomach turned. Your breath shortened. And still… you smiled.

You may have sensed something was off in a relationship but stayed to keep the peace. Not because you didn’t know but because you didn’t want to lose the version of love that still felt possible.

You may have known the truth about a situation but played along because the cost of rupture felt too high. So you dimmed what you knew, and convinced yourself it wasn’t your place to speak.

You may have watched someone carry a lie about themselves, about you, about “us”  while you kept protecting the image of connection because the image felt safer than the unknown.

And afterward… you didn’t feel proud.

You didn’t feel safe. You didn’t feel in control.
You just felt guilty…and a little bit further away from yourself.

When “giving the benefit of the doubt” becomes self-abandonment

Many of us were taught to give others the benefit of the doubt.
To not assume.
To be generous.
To stay humble.
To trust that people mean well even when something in us knows they don’t.

Consequently, we second-guessed what we felt.
We told ourselves:
“Don’t judge too quickly.”
“Maybe they’re just tired.”
“They’re trying their best.”
“You don’t want to be unfair.”

A lot of the times, more often than we realize, what we called generosity was actually a quiet erasure of what we knew to be true.

We abandoned what our body was telling us in order to be seen as kind, understanding, fair.

Over time, this didn’t make us more loving, it made us more disconnected from ourselves.

It is because the guilt that forms from silencing your truth is heavier than the discomfort of saying it.

This doesn’t mean you stop giving people grace.
It means you stop giving it at the expense of your own knowing.

When you’re taught to always “give the benefit of the doubt,” you may (consciously and unconsciously) slowly stop trusting what you know.

You override the tightening in your gut, the drop in your belly because someone once told you it’s more loving to assume the best.

Instead of saying, “This feels off”, you say nothing…and stay.

Instead of asking the question burning in your chest, you hold your breath.

Each time you override your truth in favor of keeping the peace, a subtle fracture forms inside.

This is not just emotional.
It’s energetic.

Your field begins to split: One part holds the truth. The other holds the silence.
In between, guilt grows like moss – quiet, dense, and often, undetected until it is too much.

Deep down…you knew, but you didn’t act.

It’s because you believed that doubting others was unkind, and doubting yourself was noble.

This is how guilt becomes your shadow.
For not honoring what you knew all along.

What this kind of guilt feels like in daily life

If this resonates, you might notice:

  • A tightness in your throat when you’re about to speak your truth
  • Feeling drained after conversations where you didn’t say what you needed to
  • A pattern of caretaking, people-pleasing, or avoiding conflict
  • Guilt that lingers even when no one else blames you
  • A deep fear that being honest will make you unlovable
  • Chronic self-doubt around your intuition: “Am I overreacting? Am I making this up?”
  • A sense that you often give others the benefit of the doubt; but not yourself
  • Feeling more “at home” in doubt than in truth
  • The sensation of leaving your body in moments when truth arises
  • The familiar ache of knowing something deeply… but staying silent to preserve love

They are the imprints of a system that’s been protecting you in the only way it knew how:

  • Through silence.
  • Through dillution.
  • Through shrinking.

If you choose to, however, you don’t have to stay disassociated, disconnected and small to stay safe anymore.

Let these words live in your bones

Take a slow breath.

Let this next part move through your system gently as truth to deeply and cellularly remember.

Just read slowly and allow through breathing.

Let each sentence settle where it needs to.
This is a living transmission to re-align.

Now, receive this:

There is nothing wrong with you.

You are not confused.
You are not overreacting.
You are not unkind for sensing what others leave unsaid.
You are not unloving for needing truth to feel safe.

You are now deeply remembering what coherence feels like and what it costs to abandon it.

You didn’t stay silent because you were weak.
You stayed silent because you learned that love could be lost in the presence of truth.

Because you were told that kindness meant suppressing your knowing.
That goodness meant doubting your body.
That love meant protecting others from the truth you carry.

But none of that is real. Not anymore.

Silence is not always safety.
Shrinking is not always love.
And guilt is not the price of intuition.

You were never meant to carry the weight of other people’s comfort at the expense of your own clarity.

You don’t have to do that anymore.

Breathe calmly and deeply here until you are ready to continue.

What becomes possible when guilt no longer leads

When the guilt dissolves, a quiet spaciousness returns.
You begin to hear yourself clearly.
Not the voice of fear. Not the voice of guilt.
Your voice – steady, rooted, alive.

You begin to speak even when your voice shakes.
You stay even when it’s uncomfortable or you leave without needing to explain.

You honor the knowing in your chest, the ache in your belly, the pulse in your breath as messages from your truth instead of problems to solve.

You no longer abandon yourself to keep something intact that was never built on truth to begin with.

You start to recognize:
Real safety is born from self-loyalty.
Real love does not require your silence.
Real belonging doesn’t punish your knowing.

And from this place – from this deep reclamation of truth without guilt – you begin to build a life that can actually hold you.

If this resonated, you’re invited to go deeper

If something in you softened…
If a part of you exhaled in recognition…
If you felt seen in a way that surprised you,

Then I invite you to let this transmission keep working through you.

Let it land not only in your mind, but in your breath, your belly, your bones.

If you’d like to receive this frequency even more deeply, I’ve recorded an Audio Transmission to meet you in the place words alone cannot touch.

It’s a living field – a space you can enter with your body, to let the truth gently rewire what guilt once guarded.

You’ll find the link here: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/theguiltfromknowing

This Audio Transmission is offered freely, with love, and is open for your gifts of gratitude if your heart feels called to exchange in this way.

Let yourself receive it when you’re ready.
There is no rush.
Your timing is always sacred.

You are remembering…and that is enough

You are not here by chance.

Some part of you already knew that truth was never meant to cost you love.
That coherence was never meant to feel dangerous.
That guilt was never meant to be the proof of your goodness.

You are remembering.

As you do, may your voice return as a compass.

May your body soften in recognition that it is safe to speak, safe to stay, safe to be true.

This is your return.
The return to your knowing.
The return to your clarity.
The return to the kind of love that does not require your silence.

Welcome back. Welcome home.

This transmission is offered with love. It’s here for you, whenever your heart is ready to meet it 💛💜

With love,

Astuti

P.s. Please share this with someone in your circles who would breathe deeper remembering themselves within this perspective. Thank you!

 

“May the remembrance within you bloom in perfect time.”

 

Click here for a free discovery call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

Go here to find out more about her self-paced online programs: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

 

#LifeCoach #SubconsciousReprogramming #Transformation #UpliftMyLifeToday #AWE #LoveWins #AuthenticWealth #Authentic #Love #UnconditionalLove #UnconditionalSelfLove #SoulfulSexuality #Authenticity #Freedom #Belonging #Wealth #Money #Embodiment #AncestralTrauma #SystemicHealing #Selflove #AstutiMartosudirdjo#Inspiration #Podcast #UpliftingStory

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Is AI part of your spiritual or leadership journeys?

A Whisper for the Age of AI

 

More and more of us are turning to AI for guidance: in business, in healing, even in matters of the soul.

Here’s a fact:
AI can speak like a sage.
But here’s the truth:
It is not your Soul.

AI can offer insight.
But only your Soul knows the timing of your truth.
AI cannot sense the sacredness of your journey.
It does not know your purpose.

That’s why, in this era of instant and eloquent answers, you must return to the only compass that can truly guide you: Your Higher Self.

Your Higher Self is the clearest, wisest part of your Soul; the one who remembers your soul’s plan, honors your timing, and knows what is meant for you and no one else.

Your Higher Self is always connected to Source – always guiding you back to your soul’s essence, your deepest alignment, and your unique path.

Before you absorb what’s offered externally, by AI or otherwise, pause and ask yourself:

➤ Does this feel true in my bones?
➤ Is this aligned with my timing and path?
➤ Is this meant specifically for me — or just meant for many?

AI can and will support your growth.
But it is not here to lead it.
You are.

To walk this path well, you must root every decision in sovereignty: the choices rooted in your unique soul path, coming from within, before committing to choices and actions.

The soul’s path isn’t always logical.
It is encoded.
Sacred.
Yours alone.

 

Walk with tools, yes.
But partner with your own Truth through your Higher Self.

You are not here to follow borrowed truths.
You are here to live and embody what you already know in your Soul, in your body, and in your life.

May this meet you gently, in just the right moment 💛💜

 

In devotion,
Astuti

P.s. Please share this with someone in your circles who would breathe deeper remembering themselves within this perspective. Thank you!

 

“May the remembrance within you bloom in perfect time.”

 

Click here for a free discovery call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

Go here to find out more about her self-paced online programs: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

 

#LifeCoach #SubconsciousReprogramming #Transformation #UpliftMyLifeToday #AWE #LoveWins #AuthenticWealth #Authentic #Love #UnconditionalLove #UnconditionalSelfLove #SoulfulSexuality #Authenticity #Freedom #Belonging #Wealth #Money #Embodiment #AncestralTrauma #SystemicHealing #Selflove #AstutiMartosudirdjo#Inspiration #Podcast #UpliftingStory

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Living Audio Transmission: The Quiet Grief

The Quiet Grief That Comes At The End
An audio living transmission for grief, endings, and the quiet rise of what comes next

 

Hello Soul Family,

Grief wears many faces.

Sometimes it arrives after death.
Sometimes after a dream dissolves, a love ends, or a version of you quietly slips away.
Sometimes it’s loud. Sometimes it’s invisible even to you.

This audio transmission is for those moments.
For the ones you’ve carried quietly.
For the thresholds you’ve crossed without anyone witnessing.

For the seasons, the homes, the versions of you that no longer fit but still live somewhere tender in your heart.

 

This is a Living Transmission, a spoken energetic field that reprograms your subconscious and brings your whole being into harmony.

It serves as a gentle companion to your grief, in whatever form it takes.

Grief doesn’t always ask to be healed.
Sometimes, it only asks to be held.

 

Audio transmission details:
Frequency: 396 Hz (Root chakra clearing and grief support)
Length: ~17 minutes
Listen as often as needed, especially in times of transition, loss, or quiet change
Access it here: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/thequietgrief

If your soul whispered yes, this is for you.

May this meet you gently, in just the right moment 💛💜

 

In devotion,
Astuti

P.s. Please share this with someone in your circles who would breathe deeper remembering themselves within this perspective. Thank you!

 

“May the remembrance within you bloom in perfect time.”

 

Click here for a free discovery call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

Go here to find out more about her self-paced online programs: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

 

#LifeCoach #SubconsciousReprogramming #Transformation #UpliftMyLifeToday #AWE #LoveWins #AuthenticWealth #Authentic #Love #UnconditionalLove #UnconditionalSelfLove #SoulfulSexuality #Authenticity #Freedom #Belonging #Wealth #Money #Embodiment #AncestralTrauma #SystemicHealing #Selflove #AstutiMartosudirdjo#Inspiration #Podcast #UpliftingStory

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The Quiet Grief That Comes At The End

The Quiet Grief That Comes At The End

For the quiet moment between what has ended and what is still becoming

 

My invitation as you receive this transmission:
Take a deep breath. Feel it.
Let your heart be present. Let your body breathe this in.
Let it meet you wherever you are.

There is a kind of grief that doesn’t come with a funeral.

It comes with silence.
With change.
With things left unsaid.

It arrives when a chapter ends without permission or even when it ends with your full consent.
It happens when someone walks away without closing the door or when you are the one who gently chooses to close it.

This grief is quiet, but it lingers and strong.
It is because something sacred once lived here.

There is grief for what you had and grief for what you almost had.

Grief for what you held, knowing it would one day leave.

Sometimes you grieve what was never yours to keep but yours to witness.

To love fiercely, then let go with open hands.

This is grief.

 

I’ve felt it in many forms:
In watching Leo, my beloved nephew, grow. Everytime I see and spend time with him, another version of him rises. It brings joy and grief in me.

In witnessing my clients meet parts of themselves and then completing our journey. Although we completed, the connections still live in my heart.

In parting ways with friends as a natural divergence of growth.

In saying goodbye to my past selves – the ones who carried me this far, and whom I could not bring with me forward.

Each one left a mark.
Each one, a quiet grief.

Grief is not a weakness.

It is not a problem to solve, nor something to get rid of.
It is a sign that something real and loved was experienced – fully, vulnerably, bravely.

When it ends, grief is the echo of that love passing through.

We grieve because we love.

Grief is felt because something we loved lost its home in form and now lives only in memory, or spirit, or change.
Grief is not the end of love. It is love, still moving.

Let it move. Let it speak. Let it do what it came here to do: to bless what was, and open space for what is yet to come.

I’ve come to recognize in my transformation journeys that grief often arrives before something expands: a breakthrough, a rebirth, a deeper becoming.

I realize after experiencing it many times that it is coming to clear the space and to honour what must be left behind so I can fully step into what’s next.

Grief is a signal that something sacred is about to shift.

The Liminal Space

Then, there is the space in between.
The one that arrives after something ends but before the next beginning takes form.

Here, you’re no longer who you were…but not yet who you are becoming

This is the liminal space.

Here, time stretches.
Purpose dissolves.
The ground beneath your old identity gives way, but nothing new has landed yet.

It can feel like floating or like disappearing.

Sometimes, you may feel like nothing…and strangely, like everything… all at once.

If you find yourself here, I want you to know you’re not lost.
There is nothing wrong with you.

You are not late, either.

You are in the liminal.
Resting. Reorganising.
Not your outer life but your inner world.

This is where new guidance for the new start begin to arrive quietly, through breath, through stillness, not through striving or efforting.

 

Imagine yourself like a newborn.

When a baby leaves the womb, they don’t leap into action.
They sleep. They rest.
They adjust to the world with no rush while their entire system reorganises.

That process is not passive.
It’s intelligent. It’s holy. It’s how they survive the transition.

In this liminal space, you are in a sacred recalibration.
Even if your mind doesn’t understand it, your soul knows exactly what it’s doing.

So trust this space.
It is not a void.

It is a womb.
A holy, intelligent, sacred becoming.

My invitation

When you experience this, I invite you to hold yourself in this unfamiliar openness, to breathe through the urge to fill the space.
To resist building something new too soon, and trust that you are still arriving.

When you give yourself that grace, you won’t need to chase what’s next.
The new will come – quietly, clearly, fully.
It’s because you’ll finally be home in yourself.

My arrival

My arrival after a cycle of deep and long transformation didn’t feel like clarity at first.
It felt like peace without a reason, after experiencing a lot of grief.
Truthfully, that peace was uncomfortable because for so long, everything in my life had a purpose I could name.
A goal. A reason. A next step.

So, to feel stillness without explanation was unfamiliar… almost suspicious.

I chose not to disturb it.

Partly because I was too tired to do anything then.

I took a leap of faith and let the peace stay without questioning or creating meaning.
I let it hold me even though I didn’t understand it, at first.

Slowly, I began to recognize: this is what it feels like to arrive in a different space within myself.

After, from that new space following my own arrival, the clues for what’s next began to come – gently, naturally, without needing to make it happen.

💌 A note from my heart to yours

If you find yourself in the in-between: not quite at the end, not quite at the beginning, just… here…
Please remember this:

You are not lost.
You are not without purpose, even when you feel like it (like I did!)
You are exactly where your soul needs to be.

You are in the pause that comes before love returns in a new form, before the next version of you steps forward.

You are becoming.

Let yourself rest here.
Let yourself breathe.
Let yourself arrive.

An audio version of this transmission is on its way – spoken from my heart to yours, as a quiet companion through the in-between.

This transmission is offered with love. It’s here for you, whenever your heart is ready to meet it 💛💜

May you walk gently with your grief and trust the space it opens.

With love,

Astuti

P.s. Please share this with someone in your circles who would breathe deeper remembering themselves within this perspective. Thank you!

 

“May the remembrance within you bloom in perfect time.”

 

Click here for a free discovery call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

Go here to find out more about her self-paced online programs: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

 

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