I lived most of my life in prison.

Not a prison with bars and guards, but rather imprisoned within my own mind. There was just something blocking me from the freedom of an unencumbered life.

I vividly remember the morning of August 2, 2010, staring into the mirror after another long weekend of revelry and escape. Those sad and fearful eyes belonged to a man now long gone, still the eyes of a child really, someone who had almost given up too many times to count, someone who had just lost a whole decade to the dark depths of a crippling depression and corrosive substance abuse.

In that moment, however, despite the burdens of self-loathing and despair, a long-lost spark was somehow reignited, and a promise was made to keep trying.

What followed was a dogged, nearly decade long search for meaning. The journey began with sobriety and exercise, fueled further by incessant research on the mind, body and soul. I eventually found and developed a relationship with meditation, yoga and various other esoteric ideas and ways of thinking. My life situation was slowly and steadily improving but somehow, I still couldn’t break free. I wondered if I ever would.

In July of 2018, I attended the Mind Valley University conference in Tallinn, Estonia. One of the workshops was run by Marisa Peer, a well-known hypnosis therapist and founder of the RTT method. She led the room on a guided hypnosis exercise which was startlingly impactful. I felt this experience and technique might somehow be useful, then several months later decided to investigate whether someone was practicing this technique in Zurich. Thankfully, I found Astuti and scheduled an appointment with her on April 9, 2019.

I am writing this just six weeks later, May 21, 2019.

I cannot begin to describe the impact our session has had on my life. I tried so many things before, and although I am certain those efforts contributed to the triumphant success of the hypnosis therapy, the breakthrough that occurred was truly remarkable.

Astuti expertly and compassionately guided me through all the difficult emotions trapped deep inside that had been clogging up my operating system after so many years of confusion, sadness and struggle. Facing and embracing the pain allowed me to develop a new relationship with these emotions, and to construct a healthier and more accepting internal narrative. This new narrative is based on understanding and love, a brilliant change from the anger and fear of the past.

The changes are astonishing.

My energy is intense and pristine, physical weight is falling off and I am so much more present. I was always an empathetic and kind person, buy my sincerity is now palpable and I am constantly noticing ways to be of service to others. Whether someone needs a smile, a simple helping hand or significant offer of support, I sense an innate duty to share love and kindness wherever and however possible.

My life now has a foundation of gratitude and appreciation.

The anxiety, stress and self-concern have gone away, and I can now look at even the most difficult periods in my past with more peace because the journey ended up here.

I have no regrets, and now see life as a giant karmic jigsaw puzzle where each piece, however painful, was and is a necessary part of the whole. I am no longer so obsessed with my own deficiencies and struggles, and when I look outward, I see a wide-open mosaic of awareness and love.

As I reflect on all the people who were there for me along the way I am overwhelmed at the kindness in this world. I can no longer relate to how I viewed life on April 8, 2019. It’s as if Astuti helped me wipe the slate clean, and at 39 years old I just started all over again.

The most important lesson of all is to never give up. If I had, I would have never met Astuti, never tasted this new reality. There are many ways to heal, hypnosis therapy being just one of them. But whatever you decide to try, you must commit to it.

Commit to being one with love in this world and it can happen for you too. And if you truly commit, you will one day run into someone like Astuti who can help you break on through to the other side.

I’d like to share a quote from Terrence McKenna which has been inspirational for me these last years:

“Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering it’s a feather bed.”

Adam Pierce

Zurich, Switzerland