The Quiet Grief That Comes At The End

For the quiet moment between what has ended and what is still becoming

 

My invitation as you receive this transmission:
Take a deep breath. Feel it.
Let your heart be present. Let your body breathe this in.
Let it meet you wherever you are.

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There is a kind of grief that doesn’t come with a funeral.

It comes with silence.
With change.
With things left unsaid.

It arrives when a chapter ends without permission or even when it ends with your full consent.
It happens when someone walks away without closing the door or when you are the one who gently chooses to close it.

This grief is quiet, but it lingers and strong.
It is because something sacred once lived here.

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There is grief for what you had and grief for what you almost had.

Grief for what you held, knowing it would one day leave.

Sometimes you grieve what was never yours to keep but yours to witness.

To love fiercely, then let go with open hands.

This is grief.

 

I’ve felt it in many forms:
In watching Leo, my beloved nephew, grow. Everytime I see and spend time with him, another version of him rises. It brings joy and grief in me.

In witnessing my clients meet parts of themselves and then completing our journey. Although we completed, the connections still live in my heart.

In parting ways with friends as a natural divergence of growth.

In saying goodbye to my past selves – the ones who carried me this far, and whom I could not bring with me forward.

Each one left a mark.
Each one, a quiet grief.

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Grief is not a weakness.

It is not a problem to solve, nor something to get rid of.
It is a sign that something real and loved was experienced – fully, vulnerably, bravely.

When it ends, grief is the echo of that love passing through.

We grieve because we love.

Grief is felt because something we loved lost its home in form and now lives only in memory, or spirit, or change.
Grief is not the end of love. It is love, still moving.

Let it move. Let it speak. Let it do what it came here to do: to bless what was, and open space for what is yet to come.

I’ve come to recognize in my transformation journeys that grief often arrives before something expands: a breakthrough, a rebirth, a deeper becoming.

I realize after experiencing it many times that it is coming to clear the space and to honour what must be left behind so I can fully step into what’s next.

Grief is a signal that something sacred is about to shift.

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The Liminal Space

Then, there is the space in between.
The one that arrives after something ends but before the next beginning takes form.

Here, you’re no longer who you were…but not yet who you are becoming

This is the liminal space.

Here, time stretches.
Purpose dissolves.
The ground beneath your old identity gives way, but nothing new has landed yet.

It can feel like floating or like disappearing.

Sometimes, you may feel like nothing…and strangely, like everything… all at once.

If you find yourself here, I want you to know you’re not lost.
There is nothing wrong with you.

You are not late, either.

You are in the liminal.
Resting. Reorganising.
Not your outer life but your inner world.

This is where new guidance for the new start begin to arrive quietly, through breath, through stillness, not through striving or efforting.

 

Imagine yourself like a newborn.

When a baby leaves the womb, they don’t leap into action.
They sleep. They rest.
They adjust to the world with no rush while their entire system reorganises.

That process is not passive.
It’s intelligent. It’s holy. It’s how they survive the transition.

In this liminal space, you are in a sacred recalibration.
Even if your mind doesn’t understand it, your soul knows exactly what it’s doing.

So trust this space.
It is not a void.

It is a womb.
A holy, intelligent, sacred becoming.

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My invitation

When you experience this, I invite you to hold yourself in this unfamiliar openness, to breathe through the urge to fill the space.
To resist building something new too soon, and trust that you are still arriving.

When you give yourself that grace, you won’t need to chase what’s next.
The new will come – quietly, clearly, fully.
It’s because you’ll finally be home in yourself.

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My arrival

My arrival after a cycle of deep and long transformation didn’t feel like clarity at first.
It felt like peace without a reason, after experiencing a lot of grief.
Truthfully, that peace was uncomfortable because for so long, everything in my life had a purpose I could name.
A goal. A reason. A next step.

So, to feel stillness without explanation was unfamiliar… almost suspicious.

I chose not to disturb it.

Partly because I was too tired to do anything then.

I took a leap of faith and let the peace stay without questioning or creating meaning.
I let it hold me even though I didn’t understand it, at first.

Slowly, I began to recognize: this is what it feels like to arrive in a different space within myself.

After, from that new space following my own arrival, the clues for what’s next began to come – gently, naturally, without needing to make it happen.

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💌 A note from my heart to yours

If you find yourself in the in-between: not quite at the end, not quite at the beginning, just… here…
Please remember this:

You are not lost.
You are not without purpose, even when you feel like it (like I did!)
You are exactly where your soul needs to be.

You are in the pause that comes before love returns in a new form, before the next version of you steps forward.

You are becoming.

Let yourself rest here.
Let yourself breathe.
Let yourself arrive.

An audio version of this transmission is on its way – spoken from my heart to yours, as a quiet companion through the in-between.

This transmission is offered with love. It’s here for you, whenever your heart is ready to meet it 💛💜

May you walk gently with your grief and trust the space it opens.

With love,

Astuti

P.s. Please share this with someone in your circles who would breathe deeper remembering themselves within this perspective. Thank you!

 

“May the remembrance within you bloom in perfect time.”

 

Click here for a free discovery call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

Go here to find out more about her self-paced online programs: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

 

#LifeCoach #SubconsciousReprogramming #Transformation #UpliftMyLifeToday #AWE #LoveWins #AuthenticWealth #Authentic #Love #UnconditionalLove #UnconditionalSelfLove #SoulfulSexuality #Authenticity #Freedom #Belonging #Wealth #Money #Embodiment #AncestralTrauma #SystemicHealing #Selflove #AstutiMartosudirdjo#Inspiration #Podcast #UpliftingStory

The Return to Devotion

For when you realize striving was never the same as love

 

You’ve done most things “right.”
You’ve worked hard, stayed committed, kept your promises – maybe even exceeded expectations.
But something still feels off.

No matter how dedicated you’ve been.

You may be in the wrong room.
I was too – for a long time.

I’m someone who gives it all.

When I commit, I go all in – my time, my effort, my heart.
And still… something didn’t feel right.

 

It wasn’t until I burned out that I realized:
I was giving my all in the wrong space.
That’s when I discovered there are two rooms:
The Striving Room and The Abundance Room.

Guess where I was?

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Where are you: Striving or Abundance?

Striving says:
“I must work harder to be worthy.”
“If I stop, I’ll fall behind.”
“I need to be chosen.” 

Abundance says:
“I am enough now.”
“My presence carries value.”
“What’s aligned will find me.”

Striving looks like:
• Hustle, urgency, burnout
• Over-giving, under-receiving
• Comparing, chasing, proving

Abundance looks like:
• Clarity and nourishing rest
• Trust in timing
• Receiving without guilt

Striving is always moving… but never arriving.
If you recognize yourself here, it’s not failure.
It’s a signal.
A call to shift.

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 What is abundance? 

Abundance is often mistaken for luxury or ease.
But it’s much simpler – and deeper.

Abundance is your ability to meet your needs when you need to.
It’s not about excess. It’s about enoughness.
A quiet knowing that what you need will be there, when it matters.

It changes more than your bank account.
It softens your nervous system.

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From Striving to Abundance: a personal threshold

I spent a long time with this question:
How do I move from Striving to Abundance?

I’d done the work, invested in growth, said the prayers.
But something still didn’t align.
The problem wasn’t lack of effort – it was misplaced energy.

Then one quiet morning, around 3AM, a sentence landed in me like a sacred gong:
“Devotion is an organic core program for Life.”
It moved through me like truth I had always known.

I’ve believed in hard work.
I’ve paid high prices for support, thinking the cost would guarantee transformation – only to feel unsatisfied.

I’ve also given from full devotion, even when no one was watching, paying, or clapping.

Then I realized:
My devotion doesn’t depend on what I’m paid.
It isn’t something I perform or measure.
It’s who I am.

That was the moment I stopped confusing value with price and began to remember:
Real abundance flows through devotion – not proving, pleasing, or performing.

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What is devotion (and what it isn’t)

For me, devotion is staying committed to what makes my soul sing and letting go of what no longer aligns with that song.

It’s not about effort for effort’s sake.
It’s about choosing what excites and inspires you even if the world doesn’t quite get it yet.

Let me be clear:

Devotion is the quiet, unwavering choice to honor what matters most – with your presence, not your performance.

 

What do I mean by presence?

Presence is when your whole self is here: your attention, your care, your willingness to connect.

It’s peeling vegetables with peace.
Crying without rushing to fix.
Listening deeply.
Even making hard decisions from clarity, not fear.

 

Presence doesn’t mean perfection.
It means honesty.
It means you’re with what you’re doing.

It isn’t a performance.
It’s a posture of love.

Perhaps the real question is:
What would change if you began showing up like that, not just for others, but for yourself?

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Common Misconceptions About Devotion

Many of us carry beliefs about devotion that were shaped by pressure, not truth.

Here are a few to gently untangle:

Devotion means self-sacrifice.
→ Truth: Real devotion includes you.

Devotion requires suffering.
→ Truth: It can endure discomfort, but it’s rooted in care, not pain.

Devotion is for the spiritual or religious.
→ Truth: You can be devoted to anything that matters: your healing, your art, your family, your truth.

Devotion is soft or passive.
→ Truth: Devotion can be fierce. It holds boundaries. It moves mountains, gently.

Devotion should always feel good.
→ Truth: It’s real, not always easy. But unlike striving, it nourishes you.

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Devotion vs. hard work

We’ve been taught that hard work is the key to success.
The more you struggle, the more worthy you are.

Hard work and devotion are not the same.

Hard work is fueled by pressure and fear.
It says: “If I don’t do this, I’ll fall behind.”
It can disconnect you from your body, your joy, your truth.
It often leads to burnout.

Devotion is fueled by clarity and care.
It says: “I choose this because it matters to me.”
It includes your nervous system.
It honors rest.
It aligns and sustains you.

Hard work is about getting there.
Devotion is about being here.

When you return to devotion, you don’t stop caring.
You stop carrying what was never yours.

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The Return: a personal invitation

 If you want to live in the Abundance room – not just visit, not just hope – but live there…

Devotion is the way.

Abundance isn’t something you chase.
It’s something you return to.
Devotion is what keeps you aligned with that return.

Without devotion, even your most aligned choices can be driven by fear.
You might still be striving, just in disguise.

Devotion helps you stay true:

• to yourself,
• to what inspires you,
• to what your soul knows is yours.

It lets you rest without guilt.
Offer without depletion.
Receive without shame.

Hard work may get you far.
Devotion brings you home.

If your heart is whispering “There must be another way…” this is it.

Come back to what lights you up.
Come back to what’s yours.
Come back to yourself, again and again.

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Reflections to sit with

You don’t have to figure everything out.
Just begin by listening:

• What excites or inspires me right now even if it doesn’t make sense?
• Where am I still striving out of fear or pressure?
• What would devotion look like in my life today?
• What might I be ready to release so I can come back to what truly matters?

There are no right answers. Just honest ones. Even one honest answer is enough to begin the return.

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💌 A note from my heart to yours

If you’ve made it here, thank you.
Thank you for being willing to feel. To pause. To remember.

This path – from striving to devotion – isn’t about perfection.
It’s about honesty.
It’s about coming home to what your soul already knows.

You don’t have to rush.
You don’t have to prove anything.

Just come closer to yourself.

That’s what I’m doing too, every single day.

This transmission lives here for you, when you are ready to receive it 💛💜

With you,
in quiet courage and devotion,

Astuti

P.s. Please share this with someone in your circles who would breathe deeper remembering themselves within this perspective. Thank you!

 

“May the remembrance within you bloom in perfect time.”

 

Click here for a free discovery call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

Go here to find out more about her self-paced online programs: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

 

#LifeCoach #SubconsciousReprogramming #Transformation #UpliftMyLifeToday #AWE #LoveWins #AuthenticWealth #Authentic #Love #UnconditionalLove #UnconditionalSelfLove #SoulfulSexuality #Authenticity #Freedom #Belonging #Wealth #Money #Embodiment #AncestralTrauma #SystemicHealing #Selflove #AstutiMartosudirdjo#Inspiration #Podcast #UpliftingStory

There is no wrong turns:

Trusting your path – even when it feels uncertain

 

My invitation as you start reading this:
Simply allow yourself to read slowly and let what resonates find its place inside you.
You may not need to understand everything right away. Just trust that what is most helpful for you will meet you as you read.

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For most of my life, I’ve lived by trust.
Not blind trust.
But trust that moved even when I couldn’t fully see.
The kind of trust that says:
“If my soul leads me here, then here is where I am meant to be.”

 

Since I was a child, I didn’t fear making decisions.
I said yes when others hesitated.
I let go when others clung tighter.
I walked forward when the map was incomplete.

 

Even as a teenager, I felt this pull inside me:
At 17, I left home for the United States on an exchange program.
In 1997, I ran for National President of AIESEC in Indonesia, travelled around places in Indonesia, living between Bandung and Jakarta.
In 1998, I stepped into the AIESEC International team and moved to the Netherlands.
Later in 2001, I applied for a job in Human Resources for a global Bank – even though I studied Finance and Accounting – and moved to Switzerland for it, trusting a quiet knowing that this was my next home.
Years later, I left my corporate career entirely to follow my soul’s work.

Did I consciously plan all these? No.

Did I dream about it? I dreamt of my student exchange year in the US and did all that I could to get it. The rest felt like an unfolding of the rest of the path.

I followed the inner pulls, ones that only I could feel and trust.

These choices didn’t always make sense to others.
They didn’t come with guarantees. They were unusual for a young woman like me, at a time.
But each pull was clear. Not loud, but certain.

 

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Trust doesn’t always look the same

For some, trust means daring to leave the familiar.
For others, it means staying when everything tempts them to run.
For some, it’s speaking what was never allowed.
For others, it’s choosing silence where reaction would be easier.

For many of you reading this, your trust may have looked like:

• Saying yes to a relationship that stretched your heart
• Saying no to opportunities others thought you should take
• Making decisions without all the answers, simply because something inside whispered “Go.”

Trust takes many forms.
And as we keep living, it keeps inviting us into new expressions.

 

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Even for those anchored in trust, edges still rise

Even for those of us who carry trust in devotion, there are moments when trust feels tender:

• When outcomes don’t match our expectations.
• When what we built dissolves.
• When timelines stretch far beyond what we imagined.
• When love unfolds in ways that break open every layer of us.

It is not always the choice itself that tests us.
It is what comes after.

When you do not trust your unfolding, it often shows up like this:

• Feeling anxious when outcomes don’t match your timelines
• Questioning whether you’ve wasted time or missed your chance
• Comparing your path to others and wondering if you’re falling behind
• Feeling frustrated that clarity hasn’t arrived fast enough
• Doubting whether the pauses, delays, or detours have any purpose
• Holding shame or regret for choices that led to pain or discomfort
• Struggling to forgive yourself for not “seeing it sooner”
• Feeling stuck in cycles of “what if” and “if only”
• Trying to overanalyze every decision to prevent future mistakes
• Mistaking stillness as failure, and rest as weakness 

 

At the root of the struggle to trust, there often lives something deeper:

• The fear of being abandoned if you trust and things fall apart.
• The fear of being disappointed again.
• The fear of losing time you cannot get back.
• The fear of not being able to repair what breaks.
• The fear of being humiliated for trusting something others warned you against.
• The fear of not receiving what you longed for even after you trusted fully.

And underneath all of them:
The fear of being betrayed – by life, by others, by your own self.

This is why trust can feel risky.
This is why many try to control, analyze, or delay decisions.
Because trusting requires surrendering to something larger than certainty.
It requires allowing life to move, even when you do not understand its choreography yet.

 

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Trust keeps evolving as we grow

For some of you, trust may be about taking courageous steps forward.
For others, trust may be about staying open to receive.

In my own path, where trust in choosing has long been embodied, life is now inviting me into an even more tender edge: Not trusting what I do, but trusting what I allow.

What rises now is a deeper trust:

• The trust to be provided for.
• The trust to be held without having to carry it all.
• The trust to allow myself to receive without guarding.
• The trust to open fully, even when parts of me still whisper, “Is it safe to be this soft?”

This is the sacred edge of my own unfolding now.
The place where my holy feminine expands – not in independence, but in full, sovereign receptivity.

Trust is not static.
It keeps inviting us into new chambers.
Each turn brings a new initiation.

 

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There is no wrong turns

What feels like a delay may have been a protection.
What looked like loss may have been an initiation.
What seemed like failure may have been an exact refinement you needed to carry your work, your love, your truth, and your sovereignty with integrity.

Every turn I have walked – even the ones I once struggled to understand – has now revealed its medicine:

Seasons of emptiness taught me how to open to receive, without fear or striving.
Unexpected unfoldings in relationships taught me the depth of sovereignty that no shortcut could have given.
Years of walking in profound stillness and solitude taught me to hold my own field, anchored in truth rather than performance.
The dismantling of old identities made space for my essence to breathe fully.

If you ask me today whether I would have wished a different path, the answer is no.
Why? Because this is not about getting somewhere faster.
It is about becoming someone deeper.

Where I stand now, I live what once I only hoped for:

I live as a living prayer, no longer asking to be given, but allowing what is already mine to arrive.
Every breath aligned with truth is a silent dialogue with Source.
I allow, instead of strive.
I embody, instead of plead.
I remember, instead of chase.
Provision, love, and sovereignty flow not because I force them, but because I live as one with them.
This is where Divine Law breathes.
And I embody.

 

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Learning to trust our path also asks us to forgive ourselves
Not because we have failed, but because many of us have carried quiet judgments – the thoughts that we should have been further along, made different choices, or understood sooner.

Self-forgiveness is the act of releasing those judgments, so trust can fully root.

Self-forgiveness is not about excusing every choice.
It is about dissolving the illusion that you were ever meant to arrive faster, easier, cleaner.
It is about honoring your timing.
It is about releasing the quiet violence of “I should have known.”
It is about trusting that every turn has brought you closer to the full embodiment of who you are here to be.

The truth is, you have not missed your life.
You are in it. Even when you have no map for it.
This is your path. Every turn, even the ones you never planned, belongs.

Let yourself exhale.
Let yourself soften.
Let yourself trust.

There is no wrong turns.

 

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Reflective invitations

• Where have you doubted your own unfolding?
• What fears rise when life moves differently than you expected?
• In what ways has your trust already grown deeper than it once was?
• Where might life be inviting you into a softer trust – one that allows receiving without control?
• If you knew that no turn was ever wrong, what would soften inside you today?

 

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What is a transmission?

A transmission, such as this one, is more than an article.

This transmission offers you an energetic breathing space to reconnect with what feels right for you even if you couldn’t explain it before.

It’s certainly not about being told what to believe or do.

It’s about allowing space for clarity to rise inside you so you can feel more steady in your decisions, more peaceful with where you are, and more confident in your next steps.

As you receive it, you don’t need to analyze or concentrate.
You simply read, breathe, and let what speaks to you land gently.

In simple words:
Meditation helps you practice calming.
A transmission helps you feel clearer and steadier inside.

 

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 A deeper layer awaits

In a few days, I will release a companion video transmission that holds a deeper layer of this invitation.

As you read this written transmission, you may already feel something inside you soften –  a sense of recognition, of relief, of truth landing gently.

The video transmission brings this into your body more fully.

Hearing my voice, feeling the rhythm, allowing your breath and body to receive – this helps what your mind understands to settle deeper into your being.

The written helps you see.
The video helps you feel and embody.
Both are here for you, when you are ready to receive them.

 

This transmission lives here for you, when you are ready to receive it.

With love 💛💜

Astuti

P.s. Please share this with someone in your circles who would breathe deeper remembering themselves within this perspective. Thank you!

 

“May you trust your path, knowing it has always been yours.”

 

Click here for a free discovery call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

Go here to find out more about her self-paced online programs: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

 

#LifeCoach #SubconsciousReprogramming #Transformation #UpliftMyLifeToday #AWE #LoveWins #AuthenticWealth #Authentic #Love #UnconditionalLove #UnconditionalSelfLove #SoulfulSexuality #Authenticity #Freedom #Belonging #Wealth #Money #Embodiment #AncestralTrauma #SystemicHealing #Selflove #AstutiMartosudirdjo#Inspiration #Podcast #UpliftingStory

Living Video Transmission: Beyond Black and White

Reclaiming truth, vitality, and presence in the spaces where life refuses to be simple.
  

Dear Beautiful Soul,

What if clarity isn’t about choosing a side but about softening into the space that holds it all?

What if the clarity you’ve been seeking isn’t found in answers but in stepping out of the frame entirely?

I’ve recorded a new video transmission: “Beyond Black and White.”
This one is potent. Grounded. Necessary.

It’s for the part of you that’s been entangled in extremes – always trying to choose the “right” way, the “clear” path, the “true” side.

It’s for the part of you that’s tired of splitting yourself to belong, succeed, or stay safe.

🎧 Receive the transmission now:
👉🏽  Living Video Transmission – “Beyond Black and White”

 

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A Note on Listening

This isn’t a transmission you need to understand all at once.

It’s a frequency of truth that will meet you differently each time you return.

You may feel resistance. You may feel release. Both are welcome.
Let the message find its way through you in waves.

You are invited to unhook from the mental trap of black-and-white thinking.
To come home to your sacred greys – the nuanced, tender, often unnamed spaces where your soul can finally breathe.

There is nothing to fix here. Nothing to prove.
Just breath, presence, and the remembrance of your wholeness.

Just allow what resonates to land.

 

This transmission includes gentle 528Hz music – a heart-centered frequency known to support healing, clarity, and deep restoration. Let it hold you as you listen.

Return as often as you feel called.
This transmission meets you in layers – deeper each time.

 

If you feel stirred, cracked open, or deeply seen by this…
You’re not alone.
This is part of a larger remembering, a return to the truth that lives beyond polarity.

Thank you for meeting it.

The transmission lives here for you, when you are ready to receive it 💛💜

With love 

Astuti

P.s. Please share this with someone in your circles who would breathe deeper remembering themselves within this perspective. Thank you!

 

“May the remembrance within you bloom in perfect time.”

 

Click here for a free discovery call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

Go here to find out more about her self-paced online programs: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

 

#LifeCoach #SubconsciousReprogramming #Transformation #UpliftMyLifeToday #AWE #LoveWins #AuthenticWealth #Authentic #Love #UnconditionalLove #UnconditionalSelfLove #SoulfulSexuality #Authenticity #Freedom #Belonging #Wealth #Money #Embodiment #AncestralTrauma #SystemicHealing #Selflove #AstutiMartosudirdjo#Inspiration #Podcast #UpliftingStory