From Anger to Sovereignty

A living transmission to reclaim the power you once hid to survive

My invitation as you receive this transmission:
Take a deep breath. Feel it.
Let your heart be present. Let your body breathe this in.
Let it meet you wherever you are.

Most of us have misunderstood anger.

We were taught that feeling anger means losing control. To be unsafe. To be wrong. To be a bad person.

As a child, I often got angry.
The fire I carry now lived in me then – full, alive, and often misunderstood.

What no one understood was this:
I wasn’t angry because I was bad.
I was angry because I sensed dissonance all around me.

I could feel when something didn’t match:

When words said one thing, but energy said another.
When love came with silence, pressure, conditions or expectations that I wasn’t always allowed to question.

I didn’t have the language for it yet… but my body knew something wasn’t right.

When I expressed that fire, it wasn’t welcomed.
My parents didn’t know what to do with it.
They couldn’t meet me there because they didn’t know how to hold what they themselves had long buried. Even when they loved me.

So over time, I buried it too.
I told myself: “You’re not allowed to be angry at the people you love. Or anyone who gives you love”.
That meant my parents. My grandparents. My teachers. Especially God.
And so, most of the time… I turned the anger inward.
It didn’t just live in my thoughts. It lived in my body.
As a child, it showed up as high blood pressure – a pressure no one could see, but I was carrying all the time.
It softened only years later, after I moved to Switzerland at 27.

The truth is anger always exists, and it is a part of human experience.

It needs to be felt and move through us.

I just didn’t know how to flow with it until I went deeper into my transformation journey. The dragon in me woke up a couple of times, and it was an intense experience.

The beauty of my “inner dragon” awakening is the realisation that I had: “What if anger is not breaking me? What if it’s what brings me back whole?”.

This written transmission was born out of this beautiful and powerful realisation, one that I regard as the truth about something that has been so distorted and misunderstood.

Anger as I know it now

This is how I honour anger today.

Anger is a strength. It is not a matter of immaturity, dysfunction, or even an emotion to transcend.

Anger is a guardian. It is a signal that our essence has been compromised.

It is the part of us that refuses to go numb when our “yes” is stolen or our “no” is ignored or dismissed.

Anger is memory. It remembers where the violation occurred, in your body, in your bloodline, in your system.
The anger that rises in you now is not just yours; it is the generational scream of every woman, every man, every child, every soul who was taught that being “good” and “belonging” meant being quiet, keeping your head down, and swallowing your emotions.

However, I also experienced and witnessed that not all anger is sacred.
I witnessed that the anger that explodes from unprocessed pain and trauma still causes harm.

The truth is the anger that rises after the silence, after the grief, after the death of pretending is a true anger.

It exists not to burn down the world, but to burn down the lie.

The forgotten blueprint of anger

Anger was never designed to destroy indiscriminately.
It was designed to interrupt distortion.

Where grief opens the space, anger enters to protect it.
To guard what is sacred.
To disrupt what is false.
To realign what has strayed from truth.

In the original blueprint, anger had a purifying function:
It was what rose the moment something sovereign was about to be crossed – the part of you that stood rooted, unshakable, and said with full clarity: Not here. Not now. Not ever.

It was never meant to be personal.
It was never meant to be weaponised.
It was meant to be the immune response of a conscious being living in alignment with truth.

The two faces of anger

Before we go further, we need to name something clearly.

Not all anger is the same in nature.
There is true anger and there is distorted anger.

True anger rises from clarity.
It honors boundaries. It restores truth.

Distorted anger rises from unprocessed pain.
It reacts, explodes, and often repeats harm.

This distinction matters because when we don’t know what kind of anger is moving through us, we risk misusing our fire.

We either suppress it entirely, or we let it leak, loop, and lash out.

To truly reclaim anger as a force of sovereignty, we must learn to recognise what is true and what is distortion.

Distorted Anger vs. True Anger

Distorted Anger is:

• Reactive, erratic, explosive
• Rooted in powerlessness
• Fueled by shame and unprocessed trauma
• Easily provoked, easily exploited
• Used by systems to keep people fighting each other
• Loud, confused, looping

True Anger is:

• Clear, calm, grounded
• Rooted in sovereignty
• Anchored in truth, not pain
• Seeks realignment, not punishment
• Cannot be manipulated
• Ends patterns, purifies field
• Feared by systems because it cannot be used

True anger is directive, sovereign, piercing, the opposite of chaos.
It doesn’t shout. It sees.

This is why naming the difference matters.
Distorted anger drains you. True anger restores you.
One keeps you reactive, the other returns you to sovereignty.

Anger as a system disruptor

Contrary to the deep programming in the human psyche, anger is not what breaks society. Distortion is.
Suppressed anger is the very reason distortion survives.

How come? Because true anger dismantles what false peace protects.

Every system that demands obedience – e.g. religious, political, educational, even spiritual – requires your anger to be disabled.

Why?

Because when true anger is awake:

• People-pleasing collapses
• Silence becomes unbearable
• False safety is refused
• Systems built on compliance begin to tremble

You cannot be controlled or manipulated once you remember your fire.

This is why wars continue.

Because righteous anger – anger born from truth, not pain – was never allowed to complete its sacred cycle:

Violation → Awareness → Anger → Clarity → Realignment → Peace

This is how anger is meant to move:
It rises when a boundary is crossed.
It brings awareness to the violation.
It fuels the clarity to act, and restores alignment – within and without.
This is anger as a purifier, not a destroyer.

The fact of the matter is most people never reach that clarity.
It’s because they’ve been conditioned to suppress anger at the very first spark.

Instead, they become trapped in a different cycle –  a loop that keeps pain alive:

Violation → Suppression → Confusion → Projection → Explosion → Shame → Suppression again

This is what happens when anger is buried instead of felt.

It doesn’t disappear. It distorts.
It warps the nervous system, clouds the mind, and twists your truth until you no longer trust it.
Then it seeps through as resentment, passive aggression, blame, or explosive reactions that don’t match the moment.
It becomes harder to discern what’s real because the distortion lives beneath everything you say and do.

This is why the world doesn’t fear rage. It feeds on it.
Rage can be used, provoked, televised, politicised, and monetised.

True anger?

It cannot be manipulated.
True anger does not fight for validation.
It cuts the cord and walks out clean.
From the system.
From the spell.
From the lie.
And that… that is what every distorted structure fears the most.

Anger, Power, and Sovereignty

You cannot access your true power without reclaiming your anger.

It’s because anger is the threshold guardian of power.
It tells you: “You matter. Your truth matters. What you allow matters”.

Suppressed anger turns power into:

• Compliance
• Pretending
• Posturing
• Pleasing
• Projection
• Protection

You start to look powerful but feel hollow.
You begin to call submission “peace”.
And soon, you forget what clean and true power even feels like.

When anger is restored, you reclaim your spine, your boundaries, your choice.

Anger informs the boundary.
Power enforces the boundary.
Sovereignty lives within the boundary.

True anger makes your life non-negotiable to your own soul.

Anger in relationships and community

In trauma-bonded, manipulative, or codependent dynamics, we are often taught that love means:

• Silence to keep the peace
• Sacrifice to be worthy
• Merging instead of meeting in sovereignty
• Forgiving without accountability

This is not love.
It is survival posing as intimacy.

True anger brings us back to clarity:

“If I must disappear to be loved, this is not love”.
“If I must betray myself to belong, this is not belonging”.

True anger restores:

• Truth-telling without cruelty
• Boundaries without guilt
• Presence without pretending, projecting, pleasing
• Union without merging
• Separation without shame

In healthy community, anger is not exiled.
It is welcomed as sacred signal.
It brings people back from illusion to integrity.
It exposes where we’ve drifted.

True anger does not sever connection – it restores it.
It opens the door to connection that is no longer based on distortion, fear, or self-abandonment.

The Return

Before you continue, take a breath.

Affirm your decision to receive.
Let this next part meet you in your body. Read it slowly and breathe each line into your bones.

“You do not need to master or control your anger.
You do not need to tame it, silence it, or make it palatable.

You need only remember:
It was never here to hurt you.
It was here to protect what is sovereign inside you.

Your anger is not a flaw.
It is a signal.
A memory.
A wake-up call.

It rises when something has gone missing:
Truth.
Integrity.
Self.

And, anger stays until you return to them.

So let anger move through you now in recognition and clarity.
Let it light your spine.
Let it clear the fog.
Let it whisper what the world tried to make you forget:

You are not too much.
There is nothing wrong with you.
You are remembering what was always yours”.

Let this remembering be enough for now.

When you’re ready to feel your anger in the body, this 19-minute audio transmission is here to support you: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/fromangertosovereignty

It guides you to meet your anger safely, clearly, and without shame so it can move, speak, and free the life force it’s been holding.

This is a gift. You may receive it freely.
If you feel moved to offer something in return, you’re welcome to make a donation in the amount that feels true for you.

This transmission is offered with love. It’s here for you, whenever your heart is ready to meet it 💛💜

With love,

Astuti

P.s. Please share this with someone in your circles who would breathe deeper remembering themselves within this perspective. Thank you!

“May the remembrance within you bloom in perfect time.”

Click here for a free discovery call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

Go here to find out more about her self-paced online programs: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

#LifeCoach #SubconsciousReprogramming #Transformation #UpliftMyLifeToday #AWE #LoveWins #AuthenticWealth #Authentic #Love #UnconditionalLove #UnconditionalSelfLove #SoulfulSexuality #Authenticity #Freedom #Belonging #Wealth #Money #Embodiment #AncestralTrauma #SystemicHealing #Selflove #AstutiMartosudirdjo#Inspiration #Podcast #UpliftingStory

A Whisper for the Age of AI

More and more of us are turning to AI for guidance: in business, in healing, even in matters of the soul.

Here’s a fact:
AI can speak like a sage.
But here’s the truth:
It is not your Soul.

AI can offer insight.
But only your Soul knows the timing of your truth.
AI cannot sense the sacredness of your journey.
It does not know your purpose.

That’s why, in this era of instant and eloquent answers, you must return to the only compass that can truly guide you: Your Higher Self.

Your Higher Self is the clearest, wisest part of your Soul; the one who remembers your soul’s plan, honors your timing, and knows what is meant for you and no one else.

Your Higher Self is always connected to Source – always guiding you back to your soul’s essence, your deepest alignment, and your unique path.

Before you absorb what’s offered externally, by AI or otherwise, pause and ask yourself:

➤ Does this feel true in my bones?
➤ Is this aligned with my timing and path?
➤ Is this meant specifically for me — or just meant for many?

AI can and will support your growth.
But it is not here to lead it.
You are.

To walk this path well, you must root every decision in sovereignty: the choices rooted in your unique soul path, coming from within, before committing to choices and actions.

The soul’s path isn’t always logical.
It is encoded.
Sacred.
Yours alone.

Walk with tools, yes.
But partner with your own Truth through your Higher Self.

You are not here to follow borrowed truths.
You are here to live and embody what you already know in your Soul, in your body, and in your life.

May this meet you gently, in just the right moment 💛💜

In devotion,
Astuti

P.s. Please share this with someone in your circles who would breathe deeper remembering themselves within this perspective. Thank you!

“May the remembrance within you bloom in perfect time.”

Click here for a free discovery call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

Go here to find out more about her self-paced online programs: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

#LifeCoach #SubconsciousReprogramming #Transformation #UpliftMyLifeToday #AWE #LoveWins #AuthenticWealth #Authentic #Love #UnconditionalLove #UnconditionalSelfLove #SoulfulSexuality #Authenticity #Freedom #Belonging #Wealth #Money #Embodiment #AncestralTrauma #SystemicHealing #Selflove #AstutiMartosudirdjo#Inspiration #Podcast #UpliftingStory

The Quiet Grief That Comes At The End

For the quiet moment between what has ended and what is still becoming

My invitation as you receive this transmission:
Take a deep breath. Feel it.
Let your heart be present. Let your body breathe this in.
Let it meet you wherever you are.

There is a kind of grief that doesn’t come with a funeral.

It comes with silence.
With change.
With things left unsaid.

It arrives when a chapter ends without permission or even when it ends with your full consent.
It happens when someone walks away without closing the door or when you are the one who gently chooses to close it.

This grief is quiet, but it lingers and strong.
It is because something sacred once lived here.

There is grief for what you had and grief for what you almost had.

Grief for what you held, knowing it would one day leave.

Sometimes you grieve what was never yours to keep but yours to witness.

To love fiercely, then let go with open hands.

This is grief.

I’ve felt it in many forms:
In watching Leo, my beloved nephew, grow. Everytime I see and spend time with him, another version of him rises. It brings joy and grief in me.

In witnessing my clients meet parts of themselves and then completing our journey. Although we completed, the connections still live in my heart.

In parting ways with friends as a natural divergence of growth.

In saying goodbye to my past selves – the ones who carried me this far, and whom I could not bring with me forward.

Each one left a mark.
Each one, a quiet grief.

Grief is not a weakness.

It is not a problem to solve, nor something to get rid of.
It is a sign that something real and loved was experienced – fully, vulnerably, bravely.

When it ends, grief is the echo of that love passing through.

We grieve because we love.

Grief is felt because something we loved lost its home in form and now lives only in memory, or spirit, or change.
Grief is not the end of love. It is love, still moving.

Let it move. Let it speak. Let it do what it came here to do: to bless what was, and open space for what is yet to come.

I’ve come to recognize in my transformation journeys that grief often arrives before something expands: a breakthrough, a rebirth, a deeper becoming.

I realize after experiencing it many times that it is coming to clear the space and to honour what must be left behind so I can fully step into what’s next.

Grief is a signal that something sacred is about to shift.

The Liminal Space

Then, there is the space in between.
The one that arrives after something ends but before the next beginning takes form.

Here, you’re no longer who you were…but not yet who you are becoming

This is the liminal space.

Here, time stretches.
Purpose dissolves.
The ground beneath your old identity gives way, but nothing new has landed yet.

It can feel like floating or like disappearing.

Sometimes, you may feel like nothing…and strangely, like everything… all at once.

If you find yourself here, I want you to know you’re not lost.
There is nothing wrong with you.

You are not late, either.

You are in the liminal.
Resting. Reorganising.
Not your outer life but your inner world.

This is where new guidance for the new start begin to arrive quietly, through breath, through stillness, not through striving or efforting.

Imagine yourself like a newborn.

When a baby leaves the womb, they don’t leap into action.
They sleep. They rest.
They adjust to the world with no rush while their entire system reorganises.

That process is not passive.
It’s intelligent. It’s holy. It’s how they survive the transition.

In this liminal space, you are in a sacred recalibration.
Even if your mind doesn’t understand it, your soul knows exactly what it’s doing.

So trust this space.
It is not a void.

It is a womb.
A holy, intelligent, sacred becoming.

My invitation

When you experience this, I invite you to hold yourself in this unfamiliar openness, to breathe through the urge to fill the space.
To resist building something new too soon, and trust that you are still arriving.

When you give yourself that grace, you won’t need to chase what’s next.
The new will come – quietly, clearly, fully.
It’s because you’ll finally be home in yourself.

My arrival

My arrival after a cycle of deep and long transformation didn’t feel like clarity at first.
It felt like peace without a reason, after experiencing a lot of grief.
Truthfully, that peace was uncomfortable because for so long, everything in my life had a purpose I could name.
A goal. A reason. A next step.

So, to feel stillness without explanation was unfamiliar… almost suspicious.

I chose not to disturb it.

Partly because I was too tired to do anything then.

I took a leap of faith and let the peace stay without questioning or creating meaning.
I let it hold me even though I didn’t understand it, at first.

Slowly, I began to recognize: this is what it feels like to arrive in a different space within myself.

After, from that new space following my own arrival, the clues for what’s next began to come – gently, naturally, without needing to make it happen.

💌 A note from my heart to yours

If you find yourself in the in-between: not quite at the end, not quite at the beginning, just… here…
Please remember this:

You are not lost.
You are not without purpose, even when you feel like it (like I did!)
You are exactly where your soul needs to be.

You are in the pause that comes before love returns in a new form, before the next version of you steps forward.

You are becoming.

Let yourself rest here.
Let yourself breathe.
Let yourself arrive.

An audio version of this transmission is on its way – spoken from my heart to yours, as a quiet companion through the in-between.

This transmission is offered with love. It’s here for you, whenever your heart is ready to meet it 💛💜

May you walk gently with your grief and trust the space it opens.

With love,

Astuti

P.s. Please share this with someone in your circles who would breathe deeper remembering themselves within this perspective. Thank you!

“May the remembrance within you bloom in perfect time.”

Click here for a free discovery call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

Go here to find out more about her self-paced online programs: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

#LifeCoach #SubconsciousReprogramming #Transformation #UpliftMyLifeToday #AWE #LoveWins #AuthenticWealth #Authentic #Love #UnconditionalLove #UnconditionalSelfLove #SoulfulSexuality #Authenticity #Freedom #Belonging #Wealth #Money #Embodiment #AncestralTrauma #SystemicHealing #Selflove #AstutiMartosudirdjo#Inspiration #Podcast #UpliftingStory

The Return to Devotion

For when you realize striving was never the same as love

You’ve done most things “right.”
You’ve worked hard, stayed committed, kept your promises – maybe even exceeded expectations.
But something still feels off.

No matter how dedicated you’ve been.

You may be in the wrong room.
I was too – for a long time.

I’m someone who gives it all.

When I commit, I go all in – my time, my effort, my heart.
And still… something didn’t feel right.

It wasn’t until I burned out that I realized:
I was giving my all in the wrong space.
That’s when I discovered there are two rooms:
The Striving Room and The Abundance Room.

Guess where I was?

Where are you: Striving or Abundance?

Striving says:
“I must work harder to be worthy.”
“If I stop, I’ll fall behind.”
“I need to be chosen.” 

Abundance says:
“I am enough now.”
“My presence carries value.”
“What’s aligned will find me.”

Striving looks like:
• Hustle, urgency, burnout
• Over-giving, under-receiving
• Comparing, chasing, proving

Abundance looks like:
• Clarity and nourishing rest
• Trust in timing
• Receiving without guilt

Striving is always moving… but never arriving.
If you recognize yourself here, it’s not failure.
It’s a signal.
A call to shift.

 What is abundance? 

Abundance is often mistaken for luxury or ease.
But it’s much simpler – and deeper.

Abundance is your ability to meet your needs when you need to.
It’s not about excess. It’s about enoughness.
A quiet knowing that what you need will be there, when it matters.

It changes more than your bank account.
It softens your nervous system.

From Striving to Abundance: a personal threshold

I spent a long time with this question:
How do I move from Striving to Abundance?

I’d done the work, invested in growth, said the prayers.
But something still didn’t align.
The problem wasn’t lack of effort – it was misplaced energy.

Then one quiet morning, around 3AM, a sentence landed in me like a sacred gong:
“Devotion is an organic core program for Life.”
It moved through me like truth I had always known.

I’ve believed in hard work.
I’ve paid high prices for support, thinking the cost would guarantee transformation – only to feel unsatisfied.

I’ve also given from full devotion, even when no one was watching, paying, or clapping.

Then I realized:
My devotion doesn’t depend on what I’m paid.
It isn’t something I perform or measure.
It’s who I am.

That was the moment I stopped confusing value with price and began to remember:
Real abundance flows through devotion – not proving, pleasing, or performing.

What is devotion (and what it isn’t)

For me, devotion is staying committed to what makes my soul sing and letting go of what no longer aligns with that song.

It’s not about effort for effort’s sake.
It’s about choosing what excites and inspires you even if the world doesn’t quite get it yet.

Let me be clear:

Devotion is the quiet, unwavering choice to honor what matters most – with your presence, not your performance.

What do I mean by presence?

Presence is when your whole self is here: your attention, your care, your willingness to connect.

It’s peeling vegetables with peace.
Crying without rushing to fix.
Listening deeply.
Even making hard decisions from clarity, not fear.

Presence doesn’t mean perfection.
It means honesty.
It means you’re with what you’re doing.

It isn’t a performance.
It’s a posture of love.

Perhaps the real question is:
What would change if you began showing up like that, not just for others, but for yourself?

Common Misconceptions About Devotion

Many of us carry beliefs about devotion that were shaped by pressure, not truth.

Here are a few to gently untangle:

Devotion means self-sacrifice.
→ Truth: Real devotion includes you.

Devotion requires suffering.
→ Truth: It can endure discomfort, but it’s rooted in care, not pain.

Devotion is for the spiritual or religious.
→ Truth: You can be devoted to anything that matters: your healing, your art, your family, your truth.

Devotion is soft or passive.
→ Truth: Devotion can be fierce. It holds boundaries. It moves mountains, gently.

Devotion should always feel good.
→ Truth: It’s real, not always easy. But unlike striving, it nourishes you.

Devotion vs. hard work

We’ve been taught that hard work is the key to success.
The more you struggle, the more worthy you are.

Hard work and devotion are not the same.

Hard work is fueled by pressure and fear.
It says: “If I don’t do this, I’ll fall behind.”
It can disconnect you from your body, your joy, your truth.
It often leads to burnout.

Devotion is fueled by clarity and care.
It says: “I choose this because it matters to me.”
It includes your nervous system.
It honors rest.
It aligns and sustains you.

Hard work is about getting there.
Devotion is about being here.

When you return to devotion, you don’t stop caring.
You stop carrying what was never yours.

The Return: a personal invitation

 If you want to live in the Abundance room – not just visit, not just hope – but live there…

Devotion is the way.

Abundance isn’t something you chase.
It’s something you return to.
Devotion is what keeps you aligned with that return.

Without devotion, even your most aligned choices can be driven by fear.
You might still be striving, just in disguise.

Devotion helps you stay true:

• to yourself,
• to what inspires you,
• to what your soul knows is yours.

It lets you rest without guilt.
Offer without depletion.
Receive without shame.

Hard work may get you far.
Devotion brings you home.

If your heart is whispering “There must be another way…” this is it.

Come back to what lights you up.
Come back to what’s yours.
Come back to yourself, again and again.

Reflections to sit with

You don’t have to figure everything out.
Just begin by listening:

• What excites or inspires me right now even if it doesn’t make sense?
• Where am I still striving out of fear or pressure?
• What would devotion look like in my life today?
• What might I be ready to release so I can come back to what truly matters?

There are no right answers. Just honest ones. Even one honest answer is enough to begin the return.

💌 A note from my heart to yours

If you’ve made it here, thank you.
Thank you for being willing to feel. To pause. To remember.

This path – from striving to devotion – isn’t about perfection.
It’s about honesty.
It’s about coming home to what your soul already knows.

You don’t have to rush.
You don’t have to prove anything.

Just come closer to yourself.

That’s what I’m doing too, every single day.

This transmission lives here for you, when you are ready to receive it 💛💜

With you,
in quiet courage and devotion,

Astuti

P.s. Please share this with someone in your circles who would breathe deeper remembering themselves within this perspective. Thank you!

“May the remembrance within you bloom in perfect time.”

Click here for a free discovery call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

Go here to find out more about her self-paced online programs: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

#LifeCoach #SubconsciousReprogramming #Transformation #UpliftMyLifeToday #AWE #LoveWins #AuthenticWealth #Authentic #Love #UnconditionalLove #UnconditionalSelfLove #SoulfulSexuality #Authenticity #Freedom #Belonging #Wealth #Money #Embodiment #AncestralTrauma #SystemicHealing #Selflove #AstutiMartosudirdjo#Inspiration #Podcast #UpliftingStory