“I woke up the other day feeling utterly confused. Apparently, I had been crying hard in my sleep because of a dream that I could not, for the life of me, remember. It was strange because I know I am at the happiest time of my life. After years of feeling like a misfit in my corporate career life, I made a decision to quit and cast my soul back to life with things and people that matter to me. I am happier than ever. So, what was that all about?”  

This may sound familiar to you, it may not. One thing I am certain about is that we all have been in a moment where we are facing with a strong emotion, our tears are just bubbling up and we feel so very uncomfortable, doing all we can to stop it.

What is crying about, really?

Let’s start here: tears. There are two types of tears. One that brings out our body reactions to deprivation of certain things such as hunger or pain, or any uncomfortable situation that make a baby cries. 

The second one is a physical reaction to our emotional distress; a self-protection mechanism that reacts against an extreme emotion that we do not allow to express itself in the first place. 

Every adult has shed this type of tears. Children have no problems in expressing their tears, which is appropriate to their feelings and situations. Theirs belong to the 1st type.

As adults, we train ourselves to hold off strong emotion until we can make sense of and deal with it. The downside of this approach is that there is a time lag between the time a strong feeling rushes up and an understanding that satisfy our mind is attained. This delay means longer tensions linger in our body. Unreleased tensions are what create havocs in our body over time.

Emotional tears are an expression of a specific emotion that we strongly feel at any given moment, consciously or not. They carry a high-charged energy we have within, to find a release. To find a release is what we need to remember.

Human design is certainly comprehensive. There is a legitimate reason why crying is a part, a NATURAL one, of our life and it is created for a very good reason. Crying is a way to decompress charged-up energy in our body.

Scientifically, when a strong emotion is registered in our brain, the endocrine system is triggered to release hormones that cause the tears to form in our eyes. 

When that happens, our body releases toxins specific to emotional tears, helping us to reduce the pain and improve our moods. 

Parallel to this, our body is also sending cues to other humans that we need their help. This help is called sympathy. Sympathy allows human to bond with one another. It also makes the main ingredient of a hug. That’s right, a hug. You wonder why a hug is a powerful way to help others? This is the reason. 

All strong emotions can cause us to cry, when not attended to properly. Be it anger or joy or anything in between.

In some unavoidable situation, we force ourselves to bite our lips instead of letting the tears from falling even if it hurts so much. 

Such approach is not effective in relieving the tension and de-compressing a charged-up pent-up energy. When we stop ourselves from crying, we often become restless or tensed or unfocused or agitated, for hours or days sometimes. Headaches often show up. Very stiff back and neck often happen too.

Do not, I repeat, do not let this disturbing state linger in your life for too long and for too often. 

Hurt that does not turn into tears will make your organs weep. It is a fact. Unprocessed emotions that can’t be released through crying have a chronic negative impact on our body. It accumulates over time, without us realizing this. When organs weep, diseases appear in our bodies.

Imagine this analogy: a drop of water dripping slowly yet regularly over a long period of time on a rock. One day for sure, the rock will break. Just like our organ receiving pressure of unprocessed extreme emotions, regularly. 

Crying is one of the most powerful ways to release pent-up charged-up energy. It is indeed a healthy and integral mechanism for our lives as human. Human is a bundle of mixed emotions. Crying literally makes our life so much better. More importantly, we are designed to cry, naturally.

Most people are not comfortable crying nor attending to a person who is crying. There are many reasons why. Upbringing, stereotyping, culture, you name it. It does not matter. What matters is you allow yourself to do what you are designed to do.

Here are some tips that may help you (as they have helped me):

Firstly, always remember that your feeling matters and it is absolutely okay to feel what you feel. 

Then, find somewhere private to be. It could be your room, a toilet, or find a place outside to sit in a rather quiet place, whatever works for you at that moment. In time, you will not notice nor even care that you are crying in a public place (like I do now every now and then when a situation calls for it, like in the airport leaving somewhere). To begin with, do it in the comfort of your privacy.

Next, breathe and stay in the feeling. Take a deep breath. Once. Twice. A few times. Feel the emotions in your heart. Hear the voices in your head. Feel the tissue in your hand. Just feel them…

Let go your judgment of yourself. Remember that big strong girls and boys do cry. They are human, with the same design, like all of us. 

Then let it all out. Cry your eyes out. Feel the stream of the tears on your cheeks. Let it out, until it stops by itself.

Then breathe deeply again. Stay still for a moment. Breathe…breathe…breathe. When you feel ready, pick yourself up again. When you can, go for a brief walk before joining others or perhaps going back in the office.

Trust me, you will feel so much better immediately after. Much much lighter, to say the least. If you’re worried about your puffy eyes and swollen face, just splash water on it.

 As a therapist, I rejoice every moment when my clients shedding their tears. Their lives restart after, lighter.

Remember, we are designed to cry when the needs are calling for it. It is a part of us and it is a skill that we inherently have. Enjoy it!

Tell us, what helps you enjoying your cry? Share your comments below.

Yours truly,

Astuti