The Grief Of Choosing A Life That Feels True

The Grief Of Choosing A Life That Feels True

An invitation to honour the unseen sorrow of outgrowing who you had to be

We usually associate grief with death, loss or endings that we could not stop.
This type of loss is visible and tangible to our conscious mind, not only felt by our heart, soul and body.

Yet, there is also the kind of grief we rarely talk about.

It lives unnoticable inside us who keep choosing, who keep showing up, who keep living even when it hurts.

Let me mention some of these griefs and I invite you to feel whether your body recognizes them too:

• The grief of holding back your truth to keep the peace.
• The grief of dimming your light so others wouldn’t feel discomfort.
• The grief of smiling in silence because you knew no one would understand.
• The grief of betraying your own knowing just to stay connected.
• The grief of swallowing your voice so you wouldn’t be “too much”.
• The grief of being so strong and capable that no one thought to ask how you were really doing.
• The grief of growing up too fast – becoming the parent, the protector, the problem solver when you were still a child.
• The grief of holding what was never truly yours because no one else could.
• The grief of waking up and realizing how long you’ve lived in fragments.
• The grief of twisting yourself to fit into love that was never safe.
• The grief of remembering who you are, only after decades of surviving as who others expected you to be.
• The grief of finally admitting that the high-functioning life you’ve built has left you exhausted, hollow, and far from “home”.

There are many more.
Perhaps yours has a different shape.
Whatever it looks like,  it counts, too. It matters.

This kind of grief has no funeral.
Yet, it is real and it is heavy.

It is the kind that rises in silence, often unnoticed, but never truly unfelt.

The kind that lodged itself inside your body, waiting for you to finally return to yourself and free it.

Walking the path of transformation for decades, I’ve learned this:
I’ve come to experience and witness that grief always walks beside growth.

It rises each time we choose truth after years of betraying it.
It can also rise unexpectedly, unprovoked nor untriggered consciously.

I have also come to understand:
Grief is a marker of depth.
Of sensitivity.
Of our immense capacity to love, to hope, to try,  again and again.

When grief rises, it’s not weakness.
It is never something you need to explain or justify.
It is natural to grieve especially when you have outgrown the life you once built for survival, even when you were not conscious of it.

This kind of grief is an echo of the times you carried truth alone, unexpressed and unacknowledged.
An echo of the parts of you that longed to be met fully by others and yourself, but were only managed because “You’re too much”.
An echo of the ache of separation from your own Soul.

Each time you silenced your truth and knowing to stay safe, a thread of grief wove and lodged itself into your body.
Over time, those threads formed a weight you don’t even realize anymore you carried. This weight kept on growing and it became a part of you that you continue to carry until you free it.

Now, imagine your ancestors also did the same as you do. Their accumulated grief remained unacknowledged and unmet for generations. These griefs may live undetected consciously in your body too.

It is common that you don’t even realize these griefs are there until you begin the journey home to yourselves.

When you finally choose alignment with your true self, these griefs rise, on their timings.
They rise to be seen and to be liberated.
They rise to be acknowledged so they can move.
As they move, they leave space for the real you to return.

Here is my invitation to you…
When this grief  rises, choose to be kind with yourself. Be compassionate with yourself.
Most importantly, meet the grief patiently.

You didn’t do anything wrong.
You are just…changing.
You are aligning the truth within you with the life you live and the life around you.

This type of grief is not a sign that something is wrong.
It’s a sign that you are finally safe enough to feel what once had to be frozen.
It is a sacred marker, whispering: “It’s time. You can come home now”

This grief usually comes when it comes, like waves.
Often times, unprovoked, untriggered.
It may come in waves.
At time it stays for a few minutes. Other times, a few hours, or even longer.
It comes when it comes for as long as it needs.

There is no need to rush it when it does.
No need to fix it either.

Instead, meet it… without judgment or analysis.
Breathe and sit with it.
Let it move through you.
Let it breathe.
Let it go.
Stay present with it, throughout.

This grief counts. It matters.
Why? It’s because  grief like this only rises when something in you has changed.
Meeting it in presence when it rises is the transmutation of the weight your carried.

Let this be your moment to remember:
Grief is not the end.
It is the passage you are walking through; braver, softer, clearer; than you’ve ever been.
Here, in this passage, you are safe to lay the invisible losses to rest.
To receive them.
To honor them.
To let them breathe their last breath in your body and return to the earth.

From my heart to yours…

If your grief has been quiet;
if it has gone unseen:
if it has lived in your body without words;
I want you to know: It counts.

You do not need a dramatic ending for your grief to be valid.
You do not need others to understand it for it to be real.

Your grief is a sign that you have lived with an open heart even when it costed you.
It is a sign that a deeper alignment is asking to be lived now.
You are saying yes to it.

If you tear up when reading this, it’s not because something is wrong.
It’s because the grief is ready.
Ready to move.
Ready to be laid down.
Ready to return to the earth so you can return to you.

You are safe now to feel what once had to be frozen.
To reveal and receive what was once burried without being acknwledged.
To let go not of who you are but of who you had to be in order to survive.

If you feel the call to go deeper, to allow this grief to move through you with warmth,  clarity, and truth, I’ve recorded an audio transmission to support you.
It is an energetic field – a space for your grief to soften, for your body to be held, for your truth to rise gently. It is one that has accompanied me too.

Use one of the links below to receive it:

On Spotify: The Grief Of Choosing A Life That Feels True

On my online sanctuary: The Grief Of Choosing A Life That Feels True

You can receive it whenever you’re ready and as often as you want to.
There’s no rush.

If today is not the time yet, just save the links so you can access it whenever you are ready.

This is your return.

I am here, offering my presence to accompany you, there.

With love,

Astuti

💛💜

“May the remembrance within you bloom in perfect time”

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Click here for a free Clarity call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

Go here to find out more about her self-paced online programs: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

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