25 Years Later: What Work Taught Me About Freedom, Love, and Truth

25 Years Later:

What Work Taught Me About Freedom, Love, and Truth

This year marks a threshold for me:
25 years since I graduated from university and stepped into the world of work.
A quarter century of showing up. Trying. Building. Unraveling. Becoming.

As I reflect, it isn’t only the achievements, titles, or projects that rise to the surface.
It’s the subtle, often invisible lessons that have shaped me – softened and humbled me – through my professional journey.

Work has been one of my greatest teachers.
Not only for what it allowed me to create, but for how it invited me to grow.
It called me back, again and again, to my own freedom and authentic self.

If I could gather the essence of these years into a few living truths, they would sound like this:

Work is not my identity; it is an expression of my being

In the beginning, I believed that my worth could be earned:
Through how much I could give.
Through how well I could perform.
Through how far I could stretch myself for others.

Restlessness lived beneath my drive.
Comfort felt unsafe. Familiarity made me feel weary.
I needed stretch goals because stillness triggered a quiet guilt in me.

But over time, I realized:
Work is not who I am.
It is how I express the essence of who I am becoming.

Freedom is an inner landscape, not a reward for effort

For years, I carried an urgency inside me : A push to grow. Achieve. Arrive “on time”.
I feared being too late for my calling, my success, my destiny.

I was my toughest boss. Far tougher than any I had in my external workplaces.

However, I learned that true freedom came when I softened into trust:
Trust in life’s rhythm and cycle. Just like the season of trees losing their leaves and snakes shading their skin, when it is my time to transform, I need to surrender to the process and timing.
Trust in my soul’s pace.
Trust in the knowing that I was never being measured by a clock.

I was always unfolding in my perfect time. I have my own Divine timing for everything.

I am here to receive provision in freedom within my authenticity 

I once believed I had to give before I could receive.

This was one of my deepest wounds – inherited, lived, and repeated:
The belief that I must prove my value before being supported.
That I had to work first… then be provided for.
That I could only receive when I’d already given.

This distorted programming made me overextend.
It placed pressure on my body, my nervous system, and my trust in life.
It shaped how I related to others, to work, to rest, and to Source.

Finally, something in me broke free and I now see:
Provision is not a transaction.
It is a birthright.
I am not here to earn love, safety, or support.
I am here to receive them – in freedom – as I live in my truth/authenticity.

Money is about safety – not about worth or love

For a long time, I had no relationship with money, even when I needed it to live.
I didn’t trust it. I didn’t want to depend on it.
I didn’t believe it had anything to do with my values – because it didn’t.

But over time, I came to see that money is not the enemy.
It is not a mirror of my worth.
It is not a substitute for love either.

It is one of the many ways safety can arrive in my physical form.
When held with integrity, money becomes a neutral – even sacred – energy.
It is a resource that supports my nervous system to soften, rest, and create from a place of fullness.

Money is not about who I am.
It is simply one of many ways life flows toward me.

Authenticity moves hearts more than striving ever could

The feedbacks that stay with me the most in all these years are not about my output.
It’s about my presence.

When I resigned from the Bank – unexpectedly, at least to others – my HR manager said, “I knew something was up just by observing you in meetings. You weren’t your usual self for some time”.

His words stayed with me.
They reminded me: Impact doesn’t begin with doing. It begins with being.

Authenticity creates connections.
It speaks louder than performance.
It carries a frequency that striving never can.

Burnout was a sacred threshold, not a failure

Seventeen years ago, deep physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion cracked me open.
It felt like a collapse at the time.

Now, I see it for what it was: A portal. A breaking open. A holy pause.

It was the invitation to lay down the burden of trying to earn safety.
Through over-giving.
Through relentless doing.
Through self-abandonment.

Burnout was not the end.
It was the moment I was called back to myself.

True success is living joyfully in alignment with my soul

True success for me is not applause.
It is not just productivity and achievement.
It is not how many people I manage or help, or how well I’m seen.

It is peace in my heart.
Softness and depth in my breath.
Most deeply, the quiet embodiment that being who I am has always been enough.

Today, I continue to work.
Not to prove my worth.
Not to justify my dreams.
Not to belong.

I work from a different place now.
Work is no longer a test of how far I’ve come or can go.
It is a celebration of the essence that lives within me: Overflowing. Rooted. Free. 

If my younger self could see me now, I think she would smile and exhale, finally feeling safe to just be.

Whispers from my heart to yours

I offer this reflection to you, who are walking your own unique path of becoming.

Whether you’re a soul who has carried the weight of others for too long or one who has burned so much trying to arrive “on time”.

For a whisper only your heart can hear, may you remember:
You are unfolding in your own perfect rhythm.
May your work be an expression of your essence – not a measurement of your worth.
May your life feel like home.
May your breath feel like freedom.

If this reflection stirred something in you, I would be honored to hear your reflections.
You are always welcome to write to me, whenever your heart feels called.

With love,

Astuti

💛💜

“May the remembrance within you bloom in perfect time.”

P.S. Ready to live your true wealth? Explore Authentic Wealth Embodiment (AWE) here: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/the-authentic-wealth-embodiment-program

Click here for a free discovery call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

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