The Guilt From Knowing

The Guilt That Comes From Knowing
A living transmission for those who mistake silence for safety and loyalty for self-abandonment

 

 My invitation as you receive this transmission:
Take a deep breath. Feel it.
Let your heart be present. Let your body breathe this in.
Let it meet you wherever you are.

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The guilt that doesn’t come from doing wrong

There is a kind of guilt that doesn’t come from doing something wrong.
It comes from knowing and not acting.
From feeling truth in your bones and staying quiet, because you thought silence was safer than being seen.

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When my body heard the truth before I could name it

For as long as I can remember, I’ve “heard” things people don’t say out loud.
Underneath their words, I can feel what’s not being said.

Sometimes it comes as pressure in my chest.
Sometimes it’s a tightness in my gut.
Sometimes it’s so strong my body wants to cry before my mind even knows why.

It happens when others or friends speak about their lives.
About their relationships.
Even about me.
They might say, “I’m really happy for you” but I feel the tightness behind it – the tension, the resentment, the ache they’re not naming.

They might say, “It’s not a big deal” but I can feel their nervous system screaming underneath.

 

In the past, I didn’t trust this knowing.

I told myself I was overreacting.

I told myself many things:

“Don’t make it about you”.
“They didn’t say anything wrong –maybe it’s just you”.
“Be gracious. Let it go”.
“If you say something, you’ll ruin the moment”.
“You’re just being too intense”.
“You always feel too much. Stop reading into things”.
“This isn’t the time. Don’t make things uncomfortable”.
“You should be able to hold space without needing to say what you feel”.
“Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it’s none of my business. Maybe it’s just my imagination”.

So I stayed quiet. Often.

Even when my body was pulsing.
Even when my breath shortened and my stomach turned.
Even when my entire system was screaming: “What is truly going on?”.

Then the guilt would come…for saying nothing at all. 

Each time I dismissed my own knowing, I felt myself leave, just a little.
A quiet departure from my core.
A soft turning away from my center.
The reason for that is not to intentionally betray anyone, but to stay lovable. Connected. Accepted. Safe.

The truth is, though, the cost for this was real and significant.
The more I stayed quiet to protect the moment… the more I disappeared from myself.

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How guilt becomes a body memory

This kind of guilt doesn’t live in the mind.
It lives in the energy body.

It’s not just about what you didn’t say, it’s about the moment you left yourself to protect someone else’s comfort.

It forms when your system registers truth but suppresses expression for the sake of safety, harmony, or love.
Not just words unsaid but presence withdrawn.

It’s a nervous system response.
It’s a soul-level strategy.
It’s an energetic contract that says:
“If I stay fully herewith what I know, with what I feel – I will be left. So I will leave myself first.”

Your body obeys your choice – lovingly, protectively.
It tightens. It flattens. It folds in on itself.
It does that because you once believed this was the only way to belong.

But then, what happens?

The guilt continues to build.
Not from action, but from absence.

You were there… but not with yourself.

Until the moment comes when the cost of leaving yourself becomes heavier than the fear of being left.

That’s when remembering begins.

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The everyday moments that leave a mark

You may have felt it after a conversation where you said nothing but your whole body was screaming.

Your shoulders locked. Your stomach turned. Your breath shortened. And still… you smiled.

You may have sensed something was off in a relationship but stayed to keep the peace. Not because you didn’t know but because you didn’t want to lose the version of love that still felt possible.

You may have known the truth about a situation but played along because the cost of rupture felt too high. So you dimmed what you knew, and convinced yourself it wasn’t your place to speak.

You may have watched someone carry a lie about themselves, about you, about “us”  while you kept protecting the image of connection because the image felt safer than the unknown.

And afterward… you didn’t feel proud.

You didn’t feel safe. You didn’t feel in control.
You just felt guilty…and a little bit further away from yourself.

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When “giving the benefit of the doubt” becomes self-abandonment

Many of us were taught to give others the benefit of the doubt.
To not assume.
To be generous.
To stay humble.
To trust that people mean well even when something in us knows they don’t.

Consequently, we second-guessed what we felt.
We told ourselves:
“Don’t judge too quickly.”
“Maybe they’re just tired.”
“They’re trying their best.”
“You don’t want to be unfair.”

A lot of the times, more often than we realize, what we called generosity was actually a quiet erasure of what we knew to be true.

We abandoned what our body was telling us in order to be seen as kind, understanding, fair.

Over time, this didn’t make us more loving, it made us more disconnected from ourselves.

It is because the guilt that forms from silencing your truth is heavier than the discomfort of saying it.

This doesn’t mean you stop giving people grace.
It means you stop giving it at the expense of your own knowing.

When you’re taught to always “give the benefit of the doubt,” you may (consciously and unconsciously) slowly stop trusting what you know.

You override the tightening in your gut, the drop in your belly because someone once told you it’s more loving to assume the best.

Instead of saying, “This feels off”, you say nothing…and stay.

Instead of asking the question burning in your chest, you hold your breath.

Each time you override your truth in favor of keeping the peace, a subtle fracture forms inside.

This is not just emotional.
It’s energetic.

Your field begins to split: One part holds the truth. The other holds the silence.
In between, guilt grows like moss – quiet, dense, and often, undetected until it is too much.

Deep down…you knew, but you didn’t act.

It’s because you believed that doubting others was unkind, and doubting yourself was noble.

This is how guilt becomes your shadow.
For not honoring what you knew all along.

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What this kind of guilt feels like in daily life

If this resonates, you might notice:

• A tightness in your throat when you’re about to speak your truth
• Feeling drained after conversations where you didn’t say what you needed to
• A pattern of caretaking, people-pleasing, or avoiding conflict
• Guilt that lingers even when no one else blames you
• A deep fear that being honest will make you unlovable
• Chronic self-doubt around your intuition: “Am I overreacting? Am I making this up?”
• A sense that you often give others the benefit of the doubt; but not yourself
• Feeling more “at home” in doubt than in truth
• The sensation of leaving your body in moments when truth arises
• The familiar ache of knowing something deeply… but staying silent to preserve love

They are the imprints of a system that’s been protecting you in the only way it knew how:

• Through silence.
• Through dillution.
• Through shrinking.

If you choose to, however, you don’t have to stay disassociated, disconnected and small to stay safe anymore.

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Let these words live in your bones

Take a slow breath.

Let this next part move through your system gently as truth to deeply and cellularly remember.

Just read slowly and allow through breathing.

Let each sentence settle where it needs to.
This is a living transmission to re-align.

Now, receive this:

There is nothing wrong with you.

You are not confused.
You are not overreacting.
You are not unkind for sensing what others leave unsaid.
You are not unloving for needing truth to feel safe.

You are now deeply remembering what coherence feels like and what it costs to abandon it.

You didn’t stay silent because you were weak.
You stayed silent because you learned that love could be lost in the presence of truth.

Because you were told that kindness meant suppressing your knowing.
That goodness meant doubting your body.
That love meant protecting others from the truth you carry.

But none of that is real. Not anymore.

Silence is not always safety.
Shrinking is not always love.
And guilt is not the price of intuition.

You were never meant to carry the weight of other people’s comfort at the expense of your own clarity.

You don’t have to do that anymore.

Breathe calmly and deeply here until you are ready to continue.

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What becomes possible when guilt no longer leads

When the guilt dissolves, a quiet spaciousness returns.
You begin to hear yourself clearly.
Not the voice of fear. Not the voice of guilt.
Your voice – steady, rooted, alive.

You begin to speak even when your voice shakes.
You stay even when it’s uncomfortable or you leave without needing to explain.

You honor the knowing in your chest, the ache in your belly, the pulse in your breath as messages from your truth instead of problems to solve.

You no longer abandon yourself to keep something intact that was never built on truth to begin with.

You start to recognize:
Real safety is born from self-loyalty.
Real love does not require your silence.
Real belonging doesn’t punish your knowing.

And from this place – from this deep reclamation of truth without guilt – you begin to build a life that can actually hold you.

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If this resonated, you’re invited to go deeper

If something in you softened…
If a part of you exhaled in recognition…
If you felt seen in a way that surprised you,

Then I invite you to let this transmission keep working through you.

Let it land not only in your mind, but in your breath, your belly, your bones.

If you’d like to receive this frequency even more deeply, I’ve recorded an Audio Transmission to meet you in the place words alone cannot touch.

It’s a living field – a space you can enter with your body, to let the truth gently rewire what guilt once guarded.

You’ll find the link here: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/theguiltfromknowing

This Audio Transmission is offered freely, with love, and is open for your gifts of gratitude if your heart feels called to exchange in this way.

Let yourself receive it when you’re ready.
There is no rush.
Your timing is always sacred.

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You are remembering…and that is enough

You are not here by chance.

Some part of you already knew that truth was never meant to cost you love.
That coherence was never meant to feel dangerous.
That guilt was never meant to be the proof of your goodness.

You are remembering.

As you do, may your voice return as a compass.

May your body soften in recognition that it is safe to speak, safe to stay, safe to be true.

This is your return.
The return to your knowing.
The return to your clarity.
The return to the kind of love that does not require your silence.

Welcome back. Welcome home.

This transmission is offered with love. It’s here for you, whenever your heart is ready to meet it 💛💜

With love,

Astuti

P.s. Please share this with someone in your circles who would breathe deeper remembering themselves within this perspective. Thank you!

 

“May the remembrance within you bloom in perfect time.”

 

Click here for a free discovery call with Astuti: https://astuti-martosudirdjo.youcanbook.me/

Go here to find out more about her self-paced online programs: https://embodiment.upliftmylife.today/

 

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