The Kitchen Conflict

 

 

 

 

My husband and I used to have a fight every time we had guests over for dinner. I wanted things done in a certain way and would get annoyed at him if he decided to do it differently.

It could be he cut the vegetables differently from how I wanted them cut, or he put the wrong plates out. It got to the point where he didn’t want to help in the kitchen when we had guests over or generally to be in the kitchen together, as that was a source of conflict over many years.

 

Recently, I had my cousin over for lunch, and I made a salad that is usually served only for Chinese New Year.

In the past, I would run around the shops making sure I had the exact ingredients for the dish and stress myself out preparing it.

This time, I noticed myself being much more relaxed about how it looked and what went into it. My husband also helped out in the kitchen, and it was a pleasant experience for both of us. There were no disagreements; he asked me what to do and how he could help.

 

What changed?

I realised that the conflict we had was because I had a lot of judgments and beliefs about how things should be, being in control and perfect, gender beliefs, and I was quite territorial about the kitchen. Choosing to work on them and let them go has meant that I’m more easygoing in the kitchen.

Things don’t have to be perfect or look or be a certain way. If it turns out a bit different, that’s ok too. This easing in my attitude has resulted in a nicer, calmer atmosphere in the kitchen between us.

 

Is there something in your life that is a source of conflict? Instead of pointing the finger, maybe it’s time to look at how you’re contributing to it.

– Julie

 

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